Your Millenarianism for Today

From the Book of Revelations, Chapter 23:

1 Then the fifth angel blew his trumpet, and I saw a star that had fallen from the sky to the earth. It was given the key for the passage to the abyss.

2 It opened the passage to the abyss, and smoke came up out of the passage like smoke from a huge furnace. The sun and the air were darkened by the smoke from the passage.

3 And yea did locusts come out of the abyss, and there did they enter the market of the town and bring forth with them all manner of products made with wheat and yeast and water and hops.

4 And then an Angel cried out in a loud voice as an Eagle roars. When he cried out, the seven thunders raised their voices, too.

5 The Angel said unto me, "Behold! Let there be drinks sold in the same building as one may buy meat and cheese and other cereals with small prizes inside.

6 And from the multitude there came a great cry, the likes of which has never been heard by man. They shouted to the Angel "Surely this is the work of the Adversary. The Lord would never allow us to purchase drinks made with wheat and yeast and water and hops, except from distributors in packages of twenty-four or from innkeepers at an inflated price, but even then only in two boxes of six at a time."

7 But the Angel did grin opened the 6th seal. And forth did come all manner of Dogfish Heads, Magic Hats, Railbenders and Troeggs.

8 The the people did wail and rent their garments saying, "Oh look! Now you've done it! The rivers will turn to blood, the moon will turn dark, dogs and cats will live together. You've really fucked it up now, mate."

9 But the Angel went into the market and bought himself a six-pack to go with the frozen pizza and chips he had bought, as he had some friends coming over later that night to watch the game.

10 And someone said, "Do not weep. At least you can't buy wine."

Here endth the lesson.

Amen.

Friday Happy Hour

Politics after my own heart:

Barack Obama had a drinks party at the White House on Wednesday night. He invited congressional leaders of both parties for cocktails at 7:30... The cocktail invitation could be a polite gesture—they hosted him Tuesday on the Hill, and he wants to return the favor; or it could be a stratagem—after being with them so much, Obama realizes that everyone could use a good drink. Or it could be a philosophical statement: Sobering times do not necessarily require everyone to be sober.

In vino veritas, and all that.

I respect everyone's deeply held political beliefs. Everyone should believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.

Drink Tax Implemented

Happy frickin' New Year and dammit all.

Allegheny County bars and restaurants will... be ringing up an extra 10 percent per drink they serve...

County Treasurer John Weinstein says he may let the businesses pay the tax based on estimated sales for the first month until they get used to collecting it.

I'll never get used to it.

On an unrelated note, my lunch plans have now been permanently changed.

In a totally unrelated note, this blog is being changed to The Angry Drunk Bootlegger.

In a further, totally unrelated note, does anyone know if bathtub gin is supposed to make you blind?

This Blog Will Now Cost 10% More

OK, so the drink tax is now a done deal and only too late do I realize this was merely a trap to silence this blog.

On one hand you have a tax that funds the Port Authority; on the other hand, you have more expensive drinks at Gooski's, the Squirrel Cage, Penn Brewery, Mitchell's, Mullaney's, Piper's, D's, Big Jim's, Silky's, Sharp Edge (Emporium AND Creekhouse), Fat Head's, Ryan's, Kelly's, Buffalo Blues, and The Church. Your's truly is dependent on all of the above to power this blog.

Without the bus, I don't have the mind numbing tedium necessary to think up things like comparing the Mayor to a less competent George W. Bush without the whole "Male Cheerleader" thing.*

Without the drink, I don't have the fuel necessary to power my profanity laden rants and the protection necessary to keep the Downtown free WiFi waves out of my brain.

And, of course, I'm a contentious drunk, so I don't drink and drive... I drink and bus. [If you've never ridden the 61C and puked into the change box, well, you're a better person than me.]

But anyway, I'm not saying that the drink tax is directly aimed at me, but I have stocked up on beer, wine, vodka, gin, scotch, bourbon, port, mead, and sherry**, so I can exploit the "stay-at-home-and-drink-in-the-dark-alone" loophole in the law.

I hope you're happy, John DeFazio.

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* Give me a break... I got a ride home today.
** But no Jägermeister.... that's just nasty.