UPMC, Highmark Reach Deal

In a non-descriptive bank building in downtown Pittsburgh, the heads of the major health insurance players and their aides hammered out an agreement for the control of drugs and other health care costs in the Western Pennsylvanian Market.

UPMC CEO Jeffrey A. Romoff thanked the Highmark CEO Kenneth R. Melani, M.D., and the heads of the other five familiar players in the negotiations: Governor Tom Corbett from Harrisburg, Rep. Randy Vulakovich from Shaler, and Rep. Dan Frankel from Squirrel Hill.

"How did things ever get so far? I don't know. It was so -- unfortunate -- so unnecessary. Melani lost patients -- and I lost patients..."  said Romoff speaking to the goup.  "If Melani agrees, then I'm willing to let things go on the way they were before."

Allegheny County Executive Dan Onorato thanked Romoff for helping to set up this meeting, and praised Romoff for his modesty.  Melani objected, however, that Romoff carried too many judges and politicians in his back pocket and refused to share them.

Romoff countered that he never refused to collaborate on shared interests with Highmark, except for one time, because "I believe that Obamacare is going to destroy us in the years to come."

He continued, "I mean, it's not like chiropractic or acupuncture -- or even mental therapy -- which is something that people want nowadays, and is mandated by HHS.  Even the lobbyists that've helped us in the past with malpractice insurance restrictions and other things are going to refuse to help us when it comes to Obamacare.  And I believe that then and I believe that now."

Onorato suggested that, while the times have changed from one in which Health Insurance Providers could do whatever they want, Romoff needed to share his influence in Harrisburg and Washington and that UPMC could bill Highmark for these services, adding "after all, we are not Communists."

After Corbett suggested that Health Care should be provided to those that could afford it, but not to children or African-Americans, Romoff relented and offered a wish that a peaceful solution could be found to their problems.  Romoff would provide political influence in exchange for the extension of health coverage in Western PA.

Melani insisted, however, that assurances be provided that as UPMC's position become stronger, Romoff would not exact a hostile takeover at a future date.

Romoff objected to the insinuation saying that he had selfish reasons to keep to the deal: his youngest son Michael had been forced out of the health care field by false charges and it was Romoff's desire to bring him back into the fold.  If, however, information were to be leaked to the Department of Health and Human Services or to the FDA, he would blame people in the room.

With that the meeting concluded, but an anonymous insider with UPMC later suggested that Romoff believed that it was Onorato behind this manufactured crisis the whole time.

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Allegheny Conference on Criminal Development Laments City's 65th Most Dangerous Ranking

With this week's release of a nationwide crime survey which pegged Pittsburgh as the 67th most dangerous city in the Country and at the threshold of Friday's annual meeting of the Allegheny Conference on Criminal Development, its chairman outlined the region's successes and pointed to the challenges that still impede economic growth in the Pittsburgh metropolitan area.

Victor "Jo-Jo" Strachi, upright citizen and chair of the Pittsburgh Crime Family said that the 67th place ranking should not be a sign of weakness to anyone and that the Region has a long, successful history in crime and it is moving forwards and upwards in the ranking.

The report looked at 378 cities with at least 75,000 people based on per-capita rates for homicide, rape, robbery, aggravated assault, burglary and auto theft. Each crime category was considered separately and weighted based on its seriousness.

Pittsburgh ranks behind Detroit which retained the top spot, but also Youngstown (No. 15), Cincinnati (No. 16), Dayton (No. 19), Philadelphia (No. 21), Reading (No. 32), Toledo (No. 47) and Columbus (No. 48).

"The region has made significant advances in the fields of Cyber Crime and white collar crime - we are particularly please with the work of former Council Woman Twanda Carlisle - and we have the unions, we have the gambling, and they're the best things to have," said Strachi. "We are disappointed, however, that they did not focus on these activities in this study."

Local CMU professor and noted criminologist Al Blumenstein agrees with Strachi.

"I mean, you look at how these surveys are crafted and you can see the methodological flaws right there. They're looking at rape, arson, murder, and rape, but they don't consider the more subtle crimes: blackmailing, racketeering, protection... crimes of a more 'Creative' nature."

While the ACCD will focus on these rankings in its annual meeting, Mr. Strachi said that the region has much to be proud of.

"These are wonderful things that we've achieved in this City -- and there's no limit to where we can go from here. This kind of Government knows how to help business...to encourage it."

PARTIAL TRANSCRIPT OF SECRET CONVERSATION BETWEEEN MAYORAL CONSIGLIERE YARONE ZOBER AND URA EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR JERRY DETTORE.

>>>>>>>>

Zober: Jerry-- you were always interested in politics -- and history.
I remember you calling about Weinroth back in '02.

Dettore: I'd still be alive -- I did good stuff in there.

Zober: You were around the old timers -- and meeting up on how the
family should be organized. How they based them on the old Roman
legions and called them regimes -- the capos and the soldiers. And I
worked.

Dettore: Yea, it worked. Those were the great old days you know. And
it was like the Roman Empire. The City of Pittsburgh was like the
Roman Empire.

Zober: It was once. Jerry-- when a plot against the Emperor failed --
the planners were always given a chance to let their families keep
their fortunes.

Dettore: Yea -- but only the rich guys Yarone. The little guys --
they got knocked off and all their estates went to the Emperors.
Unless they went home and uh, killed themselves -- then nothing
happened. And their families -- their families were taken care of
Yarone.

Zober: That was a good break -- nice funeral.

Dettore: Yea -- they went home -- and sat in a hot bath -- opened up
their veins -- and bleed to death.. And sometimes had a little party
before they did it.

Zober: Don't worry about anything Jerry Five Angels.

Dettore: Thanks Yarone-- thanks.

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