We Can't Stop Here! This is Tax Country!

There are times where I'm just so angry, I need to create new words to truly express how kardsadically pissed off I truly am about stupid sheissm. Case in point:

Under Mr. Peduto's bill, commercial and industrial developers would receive 10 years of tax breaks, with no cap on annual savings. Developers would get a 100 percent tax break for the first two years. After that, the tax break would decline by 10 percent every two years, concluding with a 60 percent tax break in years nine and 10.

Gee und da miff spleeb! Pliffoo blaboo!

Sorry, I'll watch my language.

Those of you that are still reading this blog will know that I have a peculiar bugbear when it comes to real estate taxes in the City of Pittsburgh. I won't go back over it here, except to say that the elimination of the land/building property tax split is one of the dumbest things that City Council ever did, including Jim Motznik.

Basically, Peduto's plan provides an abatement to real estate property improvements up to a certain amount.

Fine, except that (1) it will probably accidentally include a bunch of projects on which the City will end up losing tax revenue (e.g. the next phase of Bakery Square), (3) the tax benefits of such a program are so minor that most of the deals that get them are going to happen anyway and not because of the abatement, and (3) this solves a problem brought about by eliminating the land/building split in the first damn place.

It's almost a Rube Goldberg public policy device for solving a particularly simple matter of taxes.

Gerflump!

Oh no! Not again!

Terrific. Now National Geographic is jumping on the "Ain't Pittsburgh Grand?" bandwagon. As if we didn't have enough of these international yahoos interrupting our fair city during the G-20, now we're going to have Jane Goodall wannabes traipsing through Beechview, trying to "live amongst the yinzers".

This distinction now puts us up with such destination as cosmopolitain London, rugged Iceland, and whatever the fuck Oman is. I mean, OK, if your choice is between a vacation in Pittsburgh and Muskoka, Ontario, I can see why you'd pick a place that doesn't reek of Canadians.

Of course, what this means is that now we're going to have to set up Pittsburgh wildlife preserves to protect our native species (the white tailed deer, the pigeon, and the Onorato) so that foreign tourists don't mess up their natural habitat (Homewood Cemetery, Mellon Plaza, and Saw Mill Run, respectively). And now there's going to be "Authentic Pittsburgh Experience" survival tours, which, consists of getting lost in the South Hills for five hours and then stuck in the Ft. Pitt Tunnel traffic for another two.

I suppose we all need to get crackin' on our native dress and native dance for when the bus loads of Japanese tourists show up to take a picture.

And now a moment of Limerick

There once was a candidate Paul,
Whose White House ambitions were tall.
With ideas contrarian
And a bit Libertarian
...
I don't remember the rest but that dude is, like, offering poor answers the modern problems of United States governance.

The Road Goes Ever On and On

If you were chained up in Joe Grata's basement this week, you probably saw this story coming out of Harrisburg:

Gov. Tom Corbett signaled that a new transportation funding bill is not a top priority for his administration this year and questioned the effect of proposed new fees on the state's brittle economy.

In remarks after a speech to the national Waterways Symposium Downtown, Mr. Corbett said he would "take a look" at any transportation bills proposed this year but that they would battle for attention with measures on school vouchers and Marcellus Shale regulations. He said transportation might have to take a back seat, especially because the Legislature's current session is only half finished...

Repeated studies show the state's transportation infrastructure to be in worsening condition, too: It has 8,000 miles of poor roads, 5,000 structurally deficient bridges, 650 weight-restricted spans and another 50 that have closed. Leaders of the Port Authority also have warned of a "death spiral" of continuing service cuts, fare increases and layoffs if there is no state action.

Mr. Corbett said he was aware of the transit concerns affecting the greater Pittsburgh and Philadelphia regions -- as well as other parts of the state -- but wanted to fully study long-term funding of the transit systems and other infrastructure needs."

That all makes sense, of course, I mean when you're in the midst of an economic downturn, why should you spend more on services that people aren't going to use because they're in the middle of an economic downturn? I mean, it would be like a child's parents investing in his/her education when they are poor! What good will any personal improvement do, if you're already shit out of luck? That doesn't make any sense, now does it?

Moreover, why should we be investing in roads and bridges and mass transportation anyway? It's not like there are any goods that we're transporting and there aren't jobs for people to get to. Unemployed people don't need to take a bus from their bed to their couch. If anything, we should be reducing our level of service to match what the market says we need.

And moreover moreover, it's not like Corbett is a big ol' dummy. He knows that if he lets the Demmycrats in the State Legislature pass any sort of bill in the next year and the economy happens to pick up, people are going to get the stupid idea that it was the left-liberals in Harrisburg who caused a recovery, not their God fearing Governor. Even worse, they might actually go out and vote for more of those yahoos! That would be awful.

No, the Governor is right on; we need a Marcellus Shale based economic policy, one that will provide jobs right now in the energy industry, as well as future jobs in the soon to be fast growing environmental reclamation, cancer research, and hazardous material disposal industries.

It only makes sense, especially if you don't really think about it too hard.

Rule #36

It always comes back when you least expect it.

Protesters Flood Magic Kingdom

Reuters (Orlando FL) - Thousands of citizens of the Magic Kingdom again assembled around Cinderella's Castle today demanding more freedoms from their autocratic overlord Robert Iger.

"We are here to demand basic freedoms," said protester Jack Fitzgerald who plays character Donald Duck, "The freedom to wear beards, the freedom to take off our costumes if we have to vomit, and the freedom to punch middle aged tourists that get a little too handsy."

Protesters have assembled daily at the castle for the last two weeks, following the death of an employee who was beaten to death on Space Mountain.

Mr. Iger has apparently holed up inside Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, refusing to come out, although he has sent out hundreds of Mousekateers armed with clubs and rifles to stifle the protests. Despite the vicious onslaught, however, the protesters have held firm and have maintained control of Main Street USA.

Representatives of Universal Studios Orlando have called for an immediate end to the violence and a three day weekday special.

Protesters have refused to move from Main Street USA until Mr. Iger steps down in favor of the frozen head of Walt Disney.

More on this story as it develops.

...I hope you know who you are...

From the PG.

Police found veteran radio talk host Doug Hoerth dead in his Bellevue home Tuesday night.

Mr. Hoerth, 66, was a well known and popular talk host in the Pittsburgh market. He had shows on the former WTAE-AM and WPTT-AM.

There was a time once before blogger, twitter, and facebook when, if you wanted to get your crackpot ideas out to the public airways, you had to call in to a local radio talk show. Usually you called in to Doug Hoerth, noon to three on WTAE... that is before they switched to all sports all the time.

The weird thing about local talk radio back then was that it wasn't exclusive to right-wing, uninformed demagogues. For me, it was Lynn Cullen, Doug Hoerth, and Phil Musik from 9-6, which made for a fairly sane and sensible line up. Out of the three of them Doug seemed to get the crazies. I remember the guy who used to go on about how the Bildabergers were running the country and the woman who sang him "I want to die, so I can go to heaven."

Good times. Entertaining radio. Not like today.

I hadn't listened to Uncle Dougie in years since the change in formats (I had heard he was spinning oldies late at night on a station I couldn't receive), but I still to this day refer to my picture as "suitable for framing and/or wrapping fish."

So, in memorium, here's something only he would appreciate:

Henry II Apologizes for "Turbulent Priest" Comments

Cantebury, England (1171 AD) - King Henry II has formally expressed an apology to the Church and the Lord, Clergy, and Commons of the Realm for his comments which may have indirectly led to the assassination of Thomas Becket, Archbishop of Cantebury.

"It is with great solemnity and sadness that I take responsibility for my words, taken out of context, which spurred four homicidal knights to act for what they believed to be the good of the Country. I deeply regret how my words may have escalated this conflict and I ask that we take this moment to heal the divide that exists here in England."

Archbishop Becket was murdered 9 days ago by Reginald Fitzurse, Hugh de Morville (the Lord of Westmorland), William de Tracy, and Richard le Breton in the Cathedral. A motive has not been fully established, but sources close to the investigation say that the four were radical King's Men. Authorities are still searching for the men.

At an assembly several weeks ago, the King was reported to have said "What miserable drones and traitors have I nurtured and promoted in my household who let their lord be treated with such shameful contempt by a low-born cleric!" Others have reported that he said, "Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?" Both statements seem to have been directed at the Archbishop and were part of a ratcheting up of hostilities between the two parties.

Some have suggested that the King's statements were interpreted by the four knights to take matters into their own hands, while others suggest that the knights were mentally unbalanced to begin with.

The assassination underscores the bitter divide between the King's Party (which sought greater control of the Church) and the Archbishop's Party (which sought greater clerical independence). Vitriolic rhetoric has emerged from both sides, but mostly from the King who had Archbishop Becket banished to the continent a few years ago. Supporters of the King had also published a well performed minstrel ballad, which outlined rebellious clerics who were to be "eliminated."

While the King's words were evidently heartfelt for his old friend, he took no direct responsibility for the murders. Representatives of the Pope have called for the King to do direct penance and to tone down his hostile rhetoric.

More as this story develops.

Particle Man Eyes Candidacy for County Controller

Local politician Particle Man said that that he is "actively considering" a run for Allegheny County Controller.

"I am very serious about running for Controller, and doing the things a Controller does," said Particle Man.

Although he has yet to make an announcement himself, it is suspected that Particle Man's political nemesis Triangle Man will also vie for the seat. In previous elections, Triangle Man has beaten Particle Man.

"Nobody knows Particle Man," said Triangle Man in a written statement, "Is he a dot? Is he a speck?"

(Particle Man has replied in the past to such questions, "What am I like? It's not important.")

The winner of this contest will most likely go on to face the Republican nominee either Universe Man or Person Man. Universe Man is a well known powerful man, while Person Man is a local vagrant.

Yarone Zober did not comment on this article.

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Happy New Year!