Tuesday, April 17, 2007

An Open Letter to Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

Look, I don't know exactly what it was that we did to piss you off, although having seen An Inconvenient Truth, I suppose I can probably guess. Whatever it was specifically, I'd like to say that, as a duly selected representative of the human race, we'd like it very much if you'd cut it out.

OK, we get it; we screwed up. We're sorry.

I know you're angry, but you're acting out (what with the wind, the rain, the snow, the freezing temperatures in Spring, and the gray -- the endlessly oppressive gray) in non-productive ways. It's just not healthy behavior.

I know that you wish that we'd just grow up, collect our things, and move out. You and dad probably assumed that all of your kids would have left the nest by now. We just need a bit more time to get some stuff worked out and then we'll be out of your hair.

Mother's Day, I'm sure you know, is coming up soon. We promise to get you something nice. Flowers perhaps... or maybe candy... but if you're going to keep acting this way, we're just going to get you a card again.

We're sorry, we have to say this, but you're a bitch sometimes.

With love,

The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat


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