Dog Cat and not Fish Licenses

Fluffy and Mrs. Whiskers are going to do something secret in Bodack, Carlisle, Payne and Motznik's shoes: From the P-G:

A tentative Pittsburgh City Council vote on licensing cats ended in a tie today, setting up a final vote Tuesday that could go either way.

Council members Len Bodack, Twanda Carlisle, Tonya Payne and licensing bill sponsor Jim Motznik supported the bill. Members Dan Deasy, Darlene Harris, William Peduto and Doug Shields voted against. Councilman Jeff Koch abstained, meaning he's the swing vote on what has become a controversial issue.

"A lot of pressure on Mr. Koch next week," quipped Mr. Deasy after the vote.

Mr. Motznik argued that a $7 annual fee for cats that have been spayed or neutered, and $12 for those that have not, would allow the city to pin responsibility on owners of cats that cause property damage, and make it easier to return those that become lost and are captured.

"To me, it's a no-brainer," said Mr. Bodack. "It's something that's been needed for a long time."

Council President Shields countered that there's "a much lower level of concern" about cats than dogs, because the latter can cause injury.

Ms. Carlisle said that's an outdated perception. "That was yesteryear," she said. "In 2007, cats are more aggressive than they used to be."

Ms. Harris said she would prefer a one-time fee rather than "something you're paying over and over again."

"Twice in the last couple of weeks I've gone out to get my newspaper, and seen a cat on the porch," said Mr. Deasy. Nonetheless, they are not a big problem in his neighborhoods.

So, I ask you: where are these Council people living that they are frequented by cat attacks? Yellowstone? The Serengeti? Yusuf Islam's house? Is there a half-crazed Adam West standing outside their houses with a cat gun?

Council is wasting its time worrying about phantom cat attacks when it could be dealing with issues that are far more pressing and pertinent to the health and safety of this City: licensing lawyers.

Just yesterday, my neighbor was set upon by a pack of vicious litigators as she went outside for her mail. The pack would have chewed her wallet off if I hadn't had the good sense to turn the hose on them.

As I was riding to work, I saw two lawyers debriefing. On the street! Where children might see them! And there was another one digging through the trash looking for some pro bono work.

And if you go down to Legal Friends, you can see whole cages of them, disbarred and left to go feral. Those that can't be placed with a loving firm are forced to be euthanized.

This is truly a tragedy that we, as a society, should be able to fix.

Although, cats are waaaaay cuter.