Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Lest We Forget
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11:00 AM
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Monday, November 09, 2009
Tonight's Episode: "Brain Pain" or "Taxing your Knowledge"
So by now, you've heard about this: Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl plans to propose a 1 percent college-education privilege tax to council today, in a move that's likely to set off a fight with the city's schools of higher learning.
A ballsy move for the kicker from Washington & Jefferson College, I must say. Now, the administration is saying that they're using this as a way to bridge the gap in lieu of the Pittsburgh Public Service Fund from local non-profits, but I know better. This is political retribution.
College and university representatives met with the mayor on Wednesday and argued against the tax, which would be assessed on a college student's tuition. It technically would not be a levy on the students or their schools, but rather on the privilege of getting a higher education in Pittsburgh.
You see, back in 2008, a whole shit load of young, college people registered to vote for Obama and most of them chose to be registered in Oakland. Of course, these are your rank-and-file Democrats we're talking about: they're generally leftish folk, who have more in common with professors in Squirrel Hill than (say) a courier service account manager from the North Side. Based on a report from Pitt's University Center for Pulling Numbers Out of My Butt (UCPNOMB), these kids voted overwhelming against Ravenstahl last week. If these trend continue, you're just going to have more and more "smart" people that don't know their damned place and vote the party ticket, already. That has to be stopped.
Why would Ravenstahl throw this tax on students, other than punishing them for voting for -- God help them -- Bill Peduto? Simple, really: in four years (or seven if you're still working on your PhD in Sociology because you're friggin' thesis advisor won't even meet with you anymore as she's on "sabbatical" down at Cappy's every night -- stupid tenure) you're going to vote in maybe one election. In four years, it's going to be a different crew of students who won't notice that their $40,000/year bill has gone up another $400.
And it's not like CMU's going to up and move to California, or Australia, or Qatar or something, amiright?
Still, it's a pretty shifty thing to do after we spent the last four months trumpeting our commitment to "Eds and Meds" in front of the world. Lord knows that if the City started taking a big bite out of union benefits, the Mayor would have been taped upside down to a flag pole with his underwear glued to his head.
Actually, I think CMU has a robot that can do that; Lukey better not venture past Craig Street.
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10:23 PM
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Filed Under: Education, Pittsburgh Government, Taxes
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Please do not Read the Last Post
OK, a bit of a confession/apology to make here:
I was rushed on Friday and didn't have a chance to read the post in full. Now, apparently this post contained some very hateful, mean, and disturbing things (which I will not go into here). Most of the time I do, in fact, write my own material, but I will admit, that particular post was ghost written on my behalf by Allegheny County Councilman Charles McCullough, who offered it to me at the last minute as a favor. Chuck claimed that is was a minor amendment to a previously approved posting, but I just got duped into posting the most vile and awful bit of filth, it seems.
Like I said, I didn't have a chance to read it before it got posted, but it contained some very, very awful, disgusting, lewd, and amoral things. So anyone who did read it, I recommend that you clear it from your cache and forget about it. I've already deleted it so you won't find it here.
I'm truly sorry for this incident, especially the part about the puppies and the rotissomat. That was horrible.
Thank you, and again I apologize. (And shame on you Mr. McCullough for what you said about Rich Fitzgerald's hair and his sexual deviances!)
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10:30 PM
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Filed Under: Allegheny County, Blogs, Satire
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Election Day

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8:00 AM
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Filed Under: Election 2009
Monday, November 02, 2009
Something About Where the Choo-Choo Goes
The city's newspaper of record finally caught up with its not-being-sued-by-Mylan rival and published a story about last week's East End Rail proposal to Council, which can be found here in all of its sic transit gloria.
This proposal is appealing in that it seeks to do with 80 million bucks what the North Shore connector is trying to do with a zillion-bagillion bucks, which makes the calculations so much easier for those of us that don't have advanced degrees in hyper-imaginary accounting. There's a couple of problems in the proposal, however.
First (and this is kind of addressed in the presentation), this proposal seems to be a bit like renting out a semi in order to haul a credenza a block and a half to your new apartment -- heavy rail is sort of overkill for such a short service area. Now, if the line went all the way up north to Indiana County or south to the Mon Valley, maybe these stops would make sense, but it currently seems a bit much. In the proposal's defense, it does say that the line should link up with other proposed lines, which makes much more sense. Indeed, if you're going to have this type of system, we should be thinking about using other heavy rail lines to create a network of suburban commuter opportunities, use light rail as "high speed intra-city connectivity," and use buses as local connectors. Heavy rail, however, doesn't seem to be the right tool for a relatively small service area with frequent stops.
Of course, this gets to the second critique: the proposal isn't easily connected into the existing systems. If you want to get Downtown, you need to jump off and take another mode of transportation. While Oakland may be "bursting at the seams," Downtown is still the major commercial nexus for the region. Perhaps this criticism is a moot point, as it's fairly easy right now to get from Oakland/Lawrenceville/Hazelwood to Downtown anyway. Without expansion, however, I wonder if it makes sense to add in a fourth public transportation option into the mix, with all the extra overhead costs that may entail.
Then there's RIDC's Bill Widdoes' quote, "CSX is a tough negotiator," which has to be competing with "Water is wet" for the understatement of the year award. CSX, it is widely known, doesn't want to deal with anyone, ever. Even simple "rails-to-trails" project on defunct lines get tied up in years of legal morass. Cities, States, Authorities have no eminent domain powers over rail lines, so it's nearly impossible to get anything done on the local level without begging, borrowing, or stealing (although it's usually limited to only the first one). IF CSX signs on (and it's a big "if"), maybe there's something to the proposal, but right now I'm not holding my breath.
[This all sets aside the logistical nightmare of passenger rail sharing a line with freight rail should CSX actually agree to the proposal.]
And then there's the giant elephant in the room: the Mon-Fayette expressway. I can't imagine that Whitman, Requardt & Associates didn't notice that their proposed alignment runs right through where the folks at PennDOT and the Turnpike Commisssion really, REALLY want to lay their pipe dream down. (I mean, you can almost hear their angry, frantic, disappointing mutual masturbation when you get near the former LTV site, so much so that it causes cats to yowl.) Now, don't get me wrong: this is a great alternative to the MFX circle jerk, but with bureaucratic processes and political weightiness being what they are, I can see the whole process being stopped because somebody, somewhere wants to build a fifty-gazillion dollar clusterfuck along the Mon, goddammit!
Obviously, however, this is just a proposal, but it's probably one of the least insane proposals to come before City Council in some time and it would be a good first step in creating a high-speed, integrated regional transit solution.
Which means, of course, that the whole damned thing is doomed from the get-go.
Posted by
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6:47 PM
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Filed Under: Mon-Fayette Expressway, Transportation
Sunday, November 01, 2009
A Bureaucrat's Aside Re: Halloween
Last night on Halloween, I swear I saw the ghost of the late Councilwoman Tonya Payne on Grant Street.
It was scary.
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11:28 PM
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Thursday, October 29, 2009
You've Got Mail!
Well, by now all of yinz have heard about this little bit of alleged cyber-snooping:Some Pittsburgh City Council members think someone's peeking at their e-mails. Mayor Luke Ravenstahl's administration insists the alleged snooping is a figment of council's imagination.
And while City CIS denies it, let me assuage Council's fears that they are being spied on: you are. I should know, it's my job.
That's the standoff that emerged yesterday from debate on legislation sponsored by Councilman William Peduto that would require the sign-off of the top city lawyer and Ethics Hearing Board chair before anyone could browse the e-mail in-box of an elected official or director.
"If there are people who are reading our e-mails ...," began Mr. Peduto.
"And you know there are," interrupted Councilwoman Tonya Payne.
"... They're going to be referred to the District Attorney" under the new policy, Mr. Peduto continued.
Here's what I've uncovered:
Still, to be fair I've been reading the emails of the Mayor's Office staff too -- it's mostly Smurf erotica from John Verbanac.
* Councilmen Peduto and Dowd have had an ongoing email thread about which Star Trek Captain is better, Kirk or Picard. (Surprisingly, Peduto says "Picard").
* Councilman Motznik has replied to 35 spam emails about "How to regrow your hair" and three about "Xtending your P3N1S 51ze".
* Councilwoman Harris has forwarded on 382 picture of dogs with stupid captions.
* Council President Doug Shields has only sent one email, but it was 5,389,203 words long.
* Councilwoman Smith believes that if she forwards a certain chain email, Bill Gates will give her $5.
* Councilwoman Payne prints off all her emails, writes a response on the printed copy, and sends the response via USPS.
* Both Councilmen Burgess and Kraus actually use their email for Council related business, which makes their emails totally useless to read.
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10:30 PM
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Filed Under: Pittsburgh Government, Technology
Pittsburgh Foundation Match Game
As you may have heard, yesterday The Pittsburgh Foundation matched donations for Pittsburgh not-for-profits in a whirlwind online event. The available pool of matching funds of $300,000 was tapped out in 23 minutes with many potential donors locked out of the system and left unable to donate.
Among the 350 organizations that received funding were the Greater Pittsburgh Community Food Bank, the Pittsburgh Zoo and PPG Aquarium, the Pittsburgh Public Theater and Pittsburgh City Theatre. There were, however, many non-profits that didn't receive any funding whatsoever:
* The Luke Ravenstahl School for Legislating Good and Stuff,Better luck next time.
* The Zober Evil Foundation,
* The Pittsburgh Pubic Theater,
* Steel City Goat Spankers,
* UPMC,
* The Pittsburgh Pothole Appreciation Society,
* The Jeff Reed Fund for Kicking, and
* The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review
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10:19 PM
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Filed Under: Pittsburgh, Satire
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
SWM 29 ISO BBI Chief
This should surprise no one: Sergei Matveiev, head of Pittsburgh's Bureau of Building Inspection, has resigned effective Nov. 20, he said today.
I haven't received a copy of the job description yet, but I imagine it to read (in part) as:
A qualified candidate mustI wonder if John Verbanac has any recommendations for the post.
- be able to function on less than 2 hours of sleep per night, following late night phone calls from the Mayor's Office and City Council persons...
- be able to withstand blistering criticism and humiliation in the press...
- be able to manage a department that is understaffed and overworked...
- show no possible hope of advancing anywhere, ever...
- be willing to be fired with out warning at any time...
- be able to "creatively interpret" rules for developers who are friends of the mayor...
Brown-nosing, book licking, and proficiency in Microsoft Excel a plus.
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11:08 PM
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Filed Under: Pittsburgh Government
Friday, October 23, 2009
PA State Rep. Daryl Metcalfe Believes Dwarves Are Stealing His Socks
In an official interview to ADB+, PA State Rep. Daryl Metcalfe has admitted to our editorial board that he believes that dwarves are stealing his socks.
"I´m not saying that all dwarves are stealing my socks -- the longbeards and firebeards are particular exceptions -- but my socks are going missing, and the only explanation is that dwarves are doing it."
Rep. Metcalfe met with our editorial board (which he collectively refered to as "Alan" throughout the meeting) yesterday, and discussed topics ranging from his recent disagreement with Iraq war veterans to his belief that the current President is not a citizen of the United States. He spent most of his efforts, however, in discussing dwarves that are stealing his socks.
"They´re probably using them to make formulas to brainwash us. That´s why I always keep my feet in water -- they´re like ants, they can´t get through the water. And they need you´re socks to brainwash you... no one else´s socks will work. I caught one of them once. He looks like my Bassett Hound Terry, but I could tell the difference. They´re sneaky bastards."
The interview ended abruptly when Rep. Metcalfe yelled "Bats!" and lept out the window.
More tomorrow in ADB+.
Posted by
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5:51 PM
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Filed Under: Pennsylvanian Politics, Satire

