Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
This Rough Magic...
I started this blog back at the beginning of George Bush's second term in office, still reeling from the disappointment of 2004. A lot of things happened during those four years, a good chunk of which was commented on here, by yours truly. While I didn't enjoy the term of office, I did have a little bit of fun prodding and poking the guy who is, essentially, my boss. But now, with a modicum of regret, it's time to go.
George W. Bush, that is, not this blog. (You didn't think I was quitting there for a moment, did you?)
Although I think I've been fairly balanced on the subject, don't believe anybody who reads this little project of mine has any illusions about where my sympathies lie on that man. Still, now that it's (almost) over, it's time to release the context of my hate chest, and disburse some of those links that I had gathered over the years so that I can, well, move on.
Let's start with the stuff that's going to linger:
The U.S. National Debt Clock
Casualties in Iraq
Neither of those things are particularly funny, and I suppose neither of them are going away any time soon.
From 2004 (with some not safe for work language):
From a little later, this film strip.
Of course, there was this place, not affiliated with the real White House, which may close up shop on the 20th.
And finally, just to remind myself all the things that ticked me off in the first place, yesterday's summation of the last eight years by the 37th Most Loathsome Person of 2008:
But all these rough links, I here abjure and I shall delete from my bookmark folder, consigning them forever to the deepest, darkest depths of the Internet. If only the last eight years could so easily be erased.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Obama to Reverse Bush Executive Orders
The Washington Post is reporting today that now-President Elect Barack Obama had secretly ordered teams of lawyers to review Bush administration actions and executive orders that could be swiftly undone to reverse White House policies.
A team of four dozen advisers, working for months in virtual solitude, set out to identify regulatory and policy changes Obama could implement soon after his inauguration. The team is now consulting with liberal advocacy groups, Capitol Hill staffers and potential agency chiefs to prioritize those they regard as the most onerous or ideologically offensive, said a top transition official who was not permitted to speak on the record about the inner workings of the transition.The team discovered several Executive Orders that were found to be objectionable:
In some instances, Obama would be quickly delivering on promises he made during his two-year campaign, while in others he would be embracing Clinton-era policies upended by President Bush during his eight years in office.
"The kind of regulations they are looking at" are those imposed by Bush for "overtly political" reasons, in pursuit of what Democrats say was a partisan Republican agenda, said Dan Mendelson, a former associate administrator for health in the Clinton administration's Office of Management and Budget. The list of executive orders targeted by Obama's team could well get longer in the coming days, as Bush's appointees rush to enact a number of last-minute policies in an effort to extend his legacy.
- Executive Order #4518 which changed the definition of a "human" to include a fetus, an embryo, a dog, and several types of lawyer.
- Executive Order #831 which removed the E before I except after C rule in the Department of Commerce.
- Executive Orders #34 and #9305 which revoked Dick Cheney's death certificates.
- Executive Order #746 which renamed the Department of Education "The Department of Fancy Book Learnin'".
- Executive Order #24601 which called for the arrest of an unidentified French fugitive who was accused of stealing a loaf of bread and his immediate transportation to Guantanamo Bay.
- Executive Order #8675309 which ordered Jenny to not change her number.
- Executive Order #8008135 which banned dirty "l33t-speak".
- Executive Order #7895 which sold Yosemite National Park to Halliburton in exchange for $24 of beads.
- Executive Order #6723 which canceled Arrested Development.
- Executive Order #68903 which renewed, in perpetuity, The World According to Jim.
- Executive Order #1293 which correctified certain stratergeric minunpronouncementations of the President.
and finally
- Executive Order #4769 which makes everything the President says truthful, if he has his fingers crossed.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Bush Apologizes for Berlusconi insult
(BBC Newswire) Washington D.C. - The White House has apologized to Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi for a briefing describing him as a political "amateur" who is "hated by many".
The "insulting" biography was included in a press kit distributed to reporters traveling with President George W Bush to a meeting of world leaders in Japan.
The four-page description of Mr Berlusconi had been taken from the Encyclopedia of World Biography.
It refers to the Italian prime minister as a man "hated by many but respected by all at least for his bella figura (personal style) and the sheer force of his will".
It says Mr Berlusconi was said to be "regarded by many as a political dilettante (amateur) who gained his high office only through use of his considerable influence on the national media".
Acknowledging the error, White House spokesman Tony Fratto issued an apology.
Mr. Fratto, however, refused to apologize for several other comments about other attendees that appeared in the same press kit:
On Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper: "Not a bad leader for a second rate country. Gets really snippy when you ask him if he's ever going to try to get the Stanley Cup back. Does not respond well to Dudley Do-Right jokes."
On German Chancellor Angela Merkel: "Sweats less than most fat chicks; doesn't like to be touched. Mentioning the War, not recommended."
On UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown: "Doesn't look at all like any character from Wuthering Heights. Does look like a Muppet with Downs Syndrome."
On French President Nicolas Sarkozy: "A creepy frog speaking elf, but with a hot wife."
On Russian President Dmitry Medvedev: "Unlike his predecessor, your eyes don't bleed when you talk to him."
On Japanese Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda: "Well, a Fuk-a-you too."
And finally, on European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso: "Cocksucker."
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Cheney Apologizes for Inbreeding Joke
Claims he didn't even know that George H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush (nee Pierce) were related.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Scott McClellan's Book Reveals New Details About Bush Administration
Former Bush Administration Press Secretary Scott McClellan's new tell all book has revealed a string of allegations leveled against the President and his closers advisers.
Speaking with CNN, Mr. McClellan has most notably insinuated that the administration lied to the general public and Congress in the run up to the Iraq War.
However, other lesser known nuggets of information that prove potentially fatal to the President in the last remaining months of the administration:
* Vice President Dick Cheney regularly bathes in the blood of young children, which he believes will keep him "minty-fresh";More is sure to be revealed in the coming months.
* McClellan's predecessor Ari Fleischer was once "Erin Fleischer";
* Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, Karl Rove can, in fact, tell that it's not butter;
* Harriet Miers is actually Madame from Solid Gold;
* The invasion of Iraq was narrowly approved over an invasion of Tahiti by one vote (that vote being cast by John Ashcroft);
* Alberto Gonzales was appointed as Attorney General on a dare;
* That wasn't a pretzel that W choked on;
* The President hasn't actually met Secretary of Transportation Mary Peters;
* The Unitary Executive Theory was espoused after a night of Jaeger bombs and strippers;
* Paul O'Neil once threatened to punch John Bolton in the nuts.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Bush Arrives in Pittsburgh for Republican Fundraiser
Expected to raise $1 Million for the State Republican Committee.
That's 633,213 632,255 Euros
Or 498,651 498,164 Pounds Sterling
Or 4,023,768 3,948,234 beads and other trinkets
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
George Bush Maintains Record High Approval Levels Amongst Supporters
Monday, January 14, 2008
Bush Kicks Off Middle East Comedy Tour
Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates (AP) - Fresh off a seven year tour of the United States, George W. Bush kicked off a new Middle East comedy tour. The six country event dubbed "The Original President of Comedy" tour, launched from Tel Aviv, Israel to a sold out, kvetching room only, house.These extremists have hijacked [a] noble religion, and seek to impose their totalitarian ideology on millions. They hate freedom and they hate democracy -- because it fosters religious tolerance and allows people to chart their own future...
adding "You know how rough Bingo games can be, heh heheh heh heh."
The best routine of the night came towards the end: Iran is today the world's leading state sponsor of terror. It sends hundreds of millions of dollars to extremists around the world -- while its own people face repression and economic hardship at home. It undermines Lebanese hopes for peace by arming and aiding the terrorist group Hezbollah. It subverts the hopes for peace in other parts of the region by funding terrorist groups like Hamas and the Palestine Islamic Jihad. It sends arms to the Taliban in Afghanistan and Shia militants in Iraq. It seeks to intimidate its neighbors with ballistic missiles and bellicose rhetoric. And finally, it defies the United Nations and destabilizes the region by refusing to be open and transparent about its nuclear programs and ambitions.
The normally reserved Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert was seen falling out of his chair in laughter.
THE ARISTOCRATS!
The jokes come at a time when newer, fresher comedians are coming on the scene. With the 2008 Elections coming up, but with the WGA strike continuing, many new faces have had difficulty with breaking into the Political Comedy scene.
Opening for Bush was Blackwater CEO Erik Prince, who performed his famous "launch CS gas into the audience" routine, which left those in attendance in tears.
Critics were disappointed, however, that much of Mr. Bush's material was rehashed from previous tours.
"I mean, he's doing his whole 'Iran is an imminent threat' thing again," said Stewart Cleveland, comedy reviewer for Entertainewsweekly. Five years ago when he told it it was 'Iraq' instead of 'Iran', and the joke is kinda getting old. You almost expect him to lead with 'what's the deal with airline food?' I suppose that at this point, it's more of a greatest hits tour than anything."
Tickets for the rest of the tour, which will include Riyadh, Cairo, Baghdad, and the Funnybone Comedy Club in downtown Kabul are available for $100/barrel. Please be advised that there is a no drink maximum.