Red Square Protestors Evicted by Judge

(VOA News) Moscow, Russia - A Russian Federal judge has ordered the removal of several hundred anti-Putin protests after occupying Moscow's famous Red Square for the last four months.

Judge Kristina Vardanova had previously given the protestors three days to remove themselves from the space. The deadline passed today at noon as several protestors remained defiantly at the site.

The remaining anti-Putin protestors have braced themselves for a potential forcible ejection by Russian Police.

Protestors have protested ongoing anti-democratic action by the Federal Government, as well as undue influence of Russian mega-corporations, including energy concern Gazprom, which has already admitted collusion in manipulating the price of gas in Europe. Critics of the Russian Prime Minister have further alleged that his ties to national oligarchs have undermined the fledgling democracy in the country.

Pro-Putin and other non-aligned Russians have shrugged off the criticisms, saying that the system works for the vast majority of the Country.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has offered tacit support to the protestors saying that, "We are supportive of the rights and aspirations of the Russian people to be able to make progress and realise a better future for themselves". The Prime Minister denounced the statement as interfering with Russia's self-determination, adding that the protestors do not have a clear objective, and are merely naybobs of negativity.

As night falls on Red Square, the remaining protestors voice hope that the irony isn't lost on Americans.

MASS CHAOS AT OCCUPY PITTSBURGH PROTEST did not happen.

Several hundred members of Occupy Pittsburgh, who may or may not have been communist fascist Muslims according to unnammed sources, and their supporters (who potentially could have been draft dodging unwashed america hating hippies) marched through the streets of Oakland tonight without BURNING DOWN PRIVATE BUSINESSES AND GOVERNMENT BUILDINGS.

There were no arrests and no reports of damage by protestors (as far as anyone is willing to admit, given the pressure that the OBAMA administration has sought to support these protests), who marched in the streets surrounding the University of Pittsburgh campus, according to Pittsburgh police Cmdr. George (who may or may not be covering for nefarious ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT OVERLORDS).

Elizabeth C. Pittinger, executive director of the Pittsburgh Citizen Police Review Board, monitored the protest and said police exhibited "extraordinary patience and restraint." And as far as we no there were no MASS RAPES OF INNOCENT COLLEGE STUDENTS.

Pittinger said marchers, who did not have a permit and did not CAUSE MASS CHAOS IN THE STREETS OF OAKLAND, spilled into the streets and obstructed traffic for a short time before heeding orders from police to keep to the sidewalks AND STOP HATING AMERICA.

The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review contributed to this report.

Things We're All Thankful For...

Just wanted to give a run down of all the things certain folks are thankful for this year:

*Mayor Luke Ravenstahl - Lawyers who will still sue for innuendo. Twitter.

* Mayoral Chief of Staff Yarone Zober - The Dark Side of the Force and impressionable young Jedi.

* Council President Darlene Harris - Dogs, Puppies, Pups, Pooches, Mongrels, Mutts, Canines, Cats, Kittens, Kitties, Pussies.

* Councilman Doug Shields - Staff, Pittsburgh, Squirrel Hill, Hazelwood Greenfield, parts of Oakland, rain, sun, trees, streets, houses, friends, family, cartoons, radio, radio ships, Israel, Jacobian architecture, buildings, Legos, Eggos, pancakes, butter, milk, cows, goats, chickens, 10 out of 11 herbs and spices, Colonel Sanders, Bernie Sanders, sandblasting, vodka, cigarettes, cigars, Topic Bars, lawyers, the pay level for District Justices, Antonin Scalia, Tony Soprano, Tony Bennet, spelling mistakes, televised Council Meetings, the Town of Temperanceville, Susan B. Anthony, Lebron James, NBC, TSA, CIA, NKOTB... (and so on for three hours until we got tired of transcribing)

* County Executive Dan Onorato - Missing the opportunity to be a one term Governor.

* State Rep. Paul Costa - Being a Costa. Weed.

* Senator-Elect Pat Toomey - A new government job that allows him to eliminate other government jobs.

* Ex. Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin - Certain Americans born every minute.

* Former President George W. Bush - That black guy and the short attention span of the American Public.

* President Barack Obama - The hopes and dreams of the American people and their unwavering determination in the face of adversity. And that Presidential elections are held every four years.

* The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat - Squash

Happy Thanksgiving

Local Blogger Can No Longer Tell Satire from Reality

(Reuters) Pittsburgh, PA - At a hastily convened news conference this afternoon, a local Anonymous Blogger today revealed that he can no longer tell satire from reality.

"I like to think I have a pretty good grasp on reality, but there I was watching C-Span and there's this Congressman from Oklahoma saying that we should take the babies of undocumented illegal immigrants and put them to work in fields until they're old enough to be shipped back to wherever they're from. And I'm thinking to myself: 'is he putting me on?' And then I realize, I wasn't sure. He may have been serious."

The Blogger was referring to recent comments by Representative Tom Cole (R) who faced a tough uphill primary battle against a TEA Party backed candidate who repeatedly called Representative Cole "Soft" on the immigrant issue.

Seeking to bolster his reputation as a solid conservative, Rep. Cole took to the airwaves today with his "Put Babies to Work" program. Rep. Cole has also proposed eliminating Medicare in order to pay for an elderly health program and eliminating unnecessary governmental intrusion through an extension of the PATRIOT Act.

The Anonymous Blogger's frustrations ran high during the press conference.

"I mean, you hear this stuff and you think, 'Naw, that's too crazy,' and then it turns out to be true. I mean when the line between satire and reality gets so blurred that you can't tell the difference, you got a real problem, right?"

Dr. Isaac Bickerstaff of Trinity College has written extensively on the use of satire in modern life and he shares the Anonymous Bloggers concern.

"You see," said Dr. Bickerstaff via a phone interview, "I could say that eating babies is a perfect way to bring back the American economy (indeed, given the size of American children, the nation would never go hungry again), but if someone goes out and starts gnawing on 2nd Graders, well, that's just not right. Tasty, perhaps, but not right."

The Anonymous Blogger was swift to point out that he wasn't sure what this meant for the rest of his blog.

"I don't know, really. I'm having trouble with understanding the ridiculousness of reality, I guess. I'm not even sure if this post is satire or not. I think it is. Most of it, anyway. I'm not even sure who that Dr. Bickerstaff was."

More as this story develops.

Local Blogger Refuses to Leave Basement "Until Country Is Less Stupid"

(Reuters) Pittsburgh, PA - A local anonymous blogger today announced that he was staging a "Basement-In" until the the Country is less stupid.

The Blogger, who writes for a well-known, if sporatically updated, electronic publication announced via email that "the current state of the country is too dumb to be a part of."

"I have my Netflix, I have several cases of wine and beer, I have a Wii... I figure I can last 12-18 months isolated away until our collective IQs break triple digits."

Sources close to the Blogger indicate that the recent kerfluffle over the so-called "Ground Zero Mosque" were finally the straw that broke the camel's back.

"We were watching CNN," said his wife who refused to be named, "And then this report came on and he just started ranting. 'How can they be reporting on this,' he shouted, 'How can they... There's the First... I mean...' And then he just trailed off. I think the stupidity finally broke his brain."

No word on whether the Blogger actually intends on carrying through on his threat, although reports indicate that he has ordered 400 pounds of Cheetos, indicating a long seige.