Hot Polling Action

There are times that I think the online polling folks at the P-G are just trying to mess with us... or they're drunk.  I can see either really.

I mean, check this out:

That's sort of like asking: "Would you like an ice cream cone, do you want a zombie to eat your brains, or are you not sure."

("Well, I am lactose intolerant," says the mouth breather.)

I don't think there's anything more useless than an online poll, with maybe the exception of the results of an online poll.

(Our P-G results are in: 75% of respondents say the #1 issue facing America is "the lack of easy access to pornography", while 15% say "the proliferation of captioned cat pictures."  The remaining 10% said "Hold the pickles.")

I can only assume that there's some copy-editor pacing up and down Stanwix Street thinking to himself  "Gotta fill up the margin with something!  Gotta fill the margin up with something!  I know: radial buttons!"  And then there's some executive editor saying, "Yes, that's what our website needs!  More things for the young techno-savvy readers to click on, like their i-Pods or their SuperNintendo Wi-is. By gum!  This will save print media!"

(I suppose the alternative was to expand the obituary column, showing everyone who will not be renewing their subscription to the P-G.)

It's such a stupid idea, that it almost makes me want to put an interactive poll on this blog.

A Bureaucrat's Aside Re: Watchdogs

Given the news that a whole lot of the City's surplus has kinda gone AWOL, does the Mayor think that it's OK for the local media to look into that story a little bit more, or is he secretly hiding the funds on purpose "just to prove a point that they need to be more responsible"?

Maybe it got arrested at a Steelers game, flew off to New York with Ron Burkle, and hired a lawyer to stop people from asking questions.

Sarah Palin to Join Fox News

Laura Ingraham, Gretchen Carlson, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, and the former Alaskan Governor expect to put heads together to form giant wind tunnel.

312,819th Pittsburgher Interviewed

The 312,819th and final Pittsburgher was interviewed today as part of a documentary about the media coverage of the media coverage of Pittsburgh during the recent G-20 conference.

After an interview with documentarian Eric Stoll, Chuck Bridgeman of Brookline and an auto mechanic on Banksville Road said that he was "strangely honored to be the last interviewee".

"I mean, you know, I would have loved to have been interviewed about the Steelers, that's for sure, or even the Pirates, but, you know, I suppose a meta-report on the media is just as good."

When asked why he supposed that he was the last person in Pittsburgh to be interviewed, Chuck responded that his brothers "are the real talkers in the family" and that "he was surprised that he even got a word in edgewise." Both of Chuck's brothers Larry and Bill were interviewed earlier by Vanity Fair on the role of the G-20 in advancing the goals of Western Pennsylvanian cluster development strategies in the medical device industries.

Of the over 300,000 interviews during the course of the G-20, most were generally positive, with the notable exception of a posthumous article written by Norman Mailer for Playboy, in which he called the Mayor "a dink." Mr. Mailer was obviously unavailable for comment on what he ment.

Plans are already underway to cobble together the highlights of these interviews into a musical number, which will be shown repeatedly at the next Allegheny Conference on Community Development annual meeting.

Introducing ADB+

We're happy to announce that we here at The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat are launching a new pay version of this site, with exclusive extra content and interactive features.

ADB+ will not replace The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat, which will continue to offer the same news, satire and random pictures of local politicians looking like drunken monkeys, as always. Instead, it allows subscribers access to a new stream of exclusive sarcasm, dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody and litotes.   Additionally, it will be 100% Cyril Wecht free.  

The new, revised site will provide content that will in no way be available elsewhere on the internet, and will automatically explode if copied, pasted, downloaded, embedded, or linked.

The annual membership fee is a bottle of Maker's Mark Bourbon, and monthly memberships are a bottle of Yuengling. For a limited time, those who sign up for an annual membership will receive a free copy of "George Washington Pooped Here: a multimedia, full sensory examination of Pittsburgh Regional Outhouses, Privies, and other Toilets," a DVD by our staff, a $19.95 value.

"ADB+ is a natural extension of our news, entertainment and information resources that the Burghosphere has come to depend on," said The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat Editor-in-Chief "O". "Plus we're going to have porn. Lots of porn."

Obama Denies His Birth on the Moon was Faked by NASA

(Reuters) Washington D.C. - Amid increasing clamor from talk radio, the White House again denied claims that the President was not born in Hawai'i but instead on a Kenyan soundstage that NASA used to fake the moon landings.

Spokesman Robert Gibbs called the claimed "preposterous" and "barely warranted recognition". "I can't believe you're even asking me these questions."

Rumors have swirled previously about President Obama's place of birth, but a call to the Glenn Beck show by "Jim from Texas" who claims to have definitive proof that the President was intimately involved in faking the moon landing.

"You see, Glen, if you look at the photos from the 'moon' you'll clearly see that the rocks are arranged in a pattern that spells out B-H-O. Barack Husein Obama. Also, if you listen closely at around hour 4 Buzz Aldrin clearly says, 'This one's for you Barry, you Kenyan bastard.". Jim also claims to have documentation from a Tom Hanks look alike, stating for a fact that he saw Obama on the moon.

The claims by "Jim from Texas" was repeated by Beck throughout the weekend, and picked up by other members of the right-wing media.

"Obama has repeatedly denied that he did not fake his birth on the Moon," said Rush Limbaugh on his show Monday. "So where is his moon birth certificate? Why won't he produce it?"

Others on Free Republic.com have speculated that the Obama also brought down the Hillary Campaign through a controlled demolition.

The White House has refused comment, and has directed all further questions to Buzz Aldrin.

Pittsburgh City Council Greenlights New "Webisodes"

The new online only content will focus on minor characters, including Tonya Payne and Linda Johnson-Wasler, with regular guest star Mark Rauterkus.

The only opposition to what is being called "the most exciting change to Pittsburgh Government since they installed the flag of Slovakia in Council Chambers" came from Councilman Jim Motznik, who believed that the content would eventually be uploaded to Napster, where it could be viewed without royalties. Mr. Motznik was later commended by his colleagues for his keen grasp of current new media issues.

Producers are hoping for some sort of mid-season crossover with Waffle Shop, with former Councilman Len Bodack returning to play the part of the Waffle.