The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Protesters Flood Magic Kingdom

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Protesters Flood Magic Kingdom

Reuters (Orlando FL) - Thousands of citizens of the Magic Kingdom again assembled around Cinderella's Castle today demanding more freedoms from their autocratic overlord Robert Iger.

"We are here to demand basic freedoms," said protester Jack Fitzgerald who plays character Donald Duck, "The freedom to wear beards, the freedom to take off our costumes if we have to vomit, and the freedom to punch middle aged tourists that get a little too handsy."

Protesters have assembled daily at the castle for the last two weeks, following the death of an employee who was beaten to death on Space Mountain.

Mr. Iger has apparently holed up inside Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, refusing to come out, although he has sent out hundreds of Mousekateers armed with clubs and rifles to stifle the protests. Despite the vicious onslaught, however, the protesters have held firm and have maintained control of Main Street USA.

Representatives of Universal Studios Orlando have called for an immediate end to the violence and a three day weekday special.

Protesters have refused to move from Main Street USA until Mr. Iger steps down in favor of the frozen head of Walt Disney.

More on this story as it develops.

4 comments:

Bram Reichbaum said...: Oi! Bureaucrat! Unless you're in the Naval Reserves, get back to work!

And what's this about comment "moderation"?? You're not aging, are you?; 2:41 AM
Ms. Monongahela, Ms. Chief Editor said...: I hereby summon, thee, O!; 3:31 PM
The Honourable Husband said...: You haven't been angry for a while, ADB. Was gibt?; 1:34 AM
Anonymous said...: So which is it? Either the ADB is not longer angry or no longer drunk?; 1:06 PM

The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat

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Sunday, February 20, 2011

Protesters Flood Magic Kingdom

4 comments:

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