Friday, October 07, 2005

Angry Drunk Bureaucratic Library

I was perusing the "Laurels and Lances" column of the Trib today, when I came across this:

An observation: Pittsburgh Mayor Tom Murphy has agreed to donate the papers of his administration -- 12 years' worth -- to the Heinz Pittsburgh Regional History Center. Says David Halaas, the center's director of library and archives: "It would be a boon to scholars and people who want a better understanding of their government." Actually, the papers should serve as a textbook for how not to run a government.
After I got past the final snarky comment, it got me to thinking, what would I, the Angry Drunk Bureaucrat, have in my morass of an office to donate to the Heinz History Center to give future generations a better understanding of The Bureaucracy?

So I threw open my files and drawers to see what was there:

  • One Coffee Mug, stained;
  • Dozens of Pay stubs;
  • "Request for Leave" forms;
  • A screed for Richard Florida from the Pittsburgh City Paper;
  • A screed against Richard Florida from the Pittsburgh City Paper;
  • Wet naps;
  • A bowl;
  • One plastic spoon;
  • Two plastic forks;
  • Seven plastic knives;
  • One Hundred Twenty-Three Business Cards;
  • A package of transparent sleeves to hold One-Hundred Twenty-Three Business Cards that don't quite fit in the Rolodex.
  • One packet of "Hot" Sauce;
  • A half-empty bag of cough drops;
  • One Scathing Letter to Authority X, terminating a Business Relationship;
  • One complementary personalized calculator with "Pittsburgh" spelled wrong;
  • One coffee mug warmer (banned);
  • 1000 paperclips, in a chain;
  • Evidence.

The actual files themselves are pretty arcane, and consist mostly of invoices and well worded and finely crafted directives telling people to "get bent." The telephone & complaint log would be an interesting addition, if you care to know I was called a g*d*mn motherf*cker by an irate Mrs. S, on January 13, 2003 at 10:34 AM, 11:47 AM, and 3:12 PM, and then again on January 14, 2003 at 8:15 AM.

Not much to start a library, but I'm hoping to add the World's Largest Rubberband (Gumband) ball, which will, no doubt, be the start attraction. I may have to apply for a grant.

The position of curator is open and I am accepting applications.

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