The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Beer-er My God to Thee

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Friday, June 11, 2010

Beer-er My God to Thee

Where was I?

Ah, this:

After years of squabbling over unpaid bills, the Pittsburgh Water & Sewer Authority today announced it had reached a settlement with Lawrenceville-based Iron City Brewing LLC.
The total value of the settlement is $750,000, above the $400,000 figure the authority originally agreed to, but below the $1 million sought by city councilman Patrick Dowd, a member of the PWSA board, whose district includes the now mostly vacated 148-year-old brewery in Lawrenceville now proposed for redevelopment.

As part of the settlement, PWSA will retain the rights to "Piss Water", previously reserved for Iron City and will be allowed to dump the beer directly into the toilets, in order to eliminate the middle man.

I also heard from a leak that the whiz kids over at Iron City Brewing will be allowed to pass water bills onto new owners of the building.

3 comments:

Ms. Monongahela, Ms. Chief Editor said...: Glad to hear from you. I was ready to write your obituary. Truth be told, I already have one canned. Minor updates would be necessary, of course.; 9:15 PM
O said...: Sorry to disappoint. Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. I have, however been plagued by a combination of other commitments, writer's block, real life, crippling pessimism, and a computer that's on its last legs.

I don't want to go on the cart yet.

When I do though, it will be epic.; 11:06 PM
mds said...: "I also heard from a leak that the whiz kids over at Iron City Brewing will be allowed to pass water bills onto new owners of the building."

Marry me.; 3:34 PM

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The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat

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Friday, June 11, 2010

Beer-er My God to Thee

3 comments:

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