Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Newt Gingrich Wins Moon Primary

(NASA) Sea of Tranquility, North Shore - In the face of overwhelming odds and a bitterly divided electorate, according to exit polling results Newt Gingrich today won an overwhelming victory in the Republican Primary on the Moon.

"This is a great victory for our campaign today," said Gingrich to an audience of dozens in Cape Canaveral FL, "And with your help, we're going to get someone in the White House that really cares about the problems of the average Mooninite."

The Former Speaker of the House began polling well on the Moon last week when he promised a permanent Moon base by the end of his second term, which could be later annexed to the United States. This "Moonifest Destiny" advocated by Mr. Gingrich has found resonance in Florida, whose primary he also lost by 14 points today.

The Moon was not originally scheduled to have a primary this early in the season. In fact, by moving the primary ahead to the end of January, the RNC has stripped the caucus of half of its delegate count, bringing its total delegates count down to zero.

"No candidate has ever lost the Moon and gone on to win the nomination," said Gingrich making an obvious slight at his primary opponent Mitt Romney, who had avoided campaigning on the Moon due to a lack of Oxygen conflict.

The 2012 campaign moves on now to other barren, desolate hellscapes including Nevada, which votes in the next few weeks.

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