Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Typo in State of the Union Creates Constitutional Crisis

(Reuters) Washington D.C. -- A typo in Barack Obama's 2012 State of the Union speech caused mass chaos in the halls of Washington DC and across the globe today, when he misattributed the status of the country to an unknown.

As the President concluded his speech, which promoted economic equity, governmental collaboration, and manufacturing expansion among other items, he stated "As long as we're joined in common purpose, as long as we maintain our common resolve, our journey moves forward, our future is hopeful, and the state of our Union will always be Stan" [emphasis added].  What was initially regarded as a possibly mishearing of the President's words or a slip of the tongue by Mr. Obama, was later confirmed to actually be within the text of the speech given to the Vice President and the Speaker of the House, signaling that the apparent flub was not a mistake.

After the speech, a flustered White House Press Secretary Jay Carney was pressed for an explanation by Reporters, but declined to respond.

This led to mass speculation in many online "blogs" across the country that the President was secretly transferring executive authority to a man named "Stan" or "Stanley" or "Stanislav".  Commenters on the Right Wing Blog Freerepublic speculated that Mr. Obama was referring to "Pakistan" or "Afghanistan", fueling further speculation of his supposedly Muslim faith.  Posters on DailyKos also speculated that "Stan" was Stan Lee, creator of Spiderman; Mr. Obama is a known comic book fan. believed that "Stan" was hall of fame baseball player Stan Musial, while The Weather Channel purported to have information that Stan was referring to the 19th Hurricane of the 2005 Atlantic Season.

The reaction across the world was tumultuous.  The stock price of Standard Chartered PLC (symbol: STAN) soared in early trading on the London Stock Exchange, driving European futures up to near record levels.  Seth MacFarlane's animated prime time show American Dad, which features main character "Stan Smith", was renewed by Fox through the 2018 season.  In the UK, the graves of Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin and director Stanley Kubrick were opened as the superstitious lay next to the bodies.  In Toronto, armed guards protected hockey's Stanley Cup from looters.

Congressmen and Senators scrambled across the corridors of the Capitol trying to discover who this "Stan" was, whether he was a Democrat or a Republican, and how this would affect reelection chances.  All bills were held until "Stan" could sign off and the Chaplin of the House issued an invocation in "Stan's" name.

After several hours, the White House issued a statement saying that a fly had fallen into the computer, which had caused the typo, adding that a "Mr. Archibald Buttle" might want to lay low for a few days.

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