Property Assesments Part 4,328,489

Well, we're back to square one: the courts have ruled that Allegheny County's base year property assessment system is unconstitutional because of the gross inequities it creates in property values and we're going to see another re-re-reassessment maybe soon enough for the 2010 tax year.

But first, a moment of stupidity from the County Executive in regards to today's property assessment ruling:

"I'm a lawyer, and as county executive I don't believe judges should order something that the people in the county don't want," added Mr. Onorato...

Too fucking bad Dan: Allegheny County's current assessment system violates the standards set in the Commonwealth's Constitution. I don't think any lawyer worth a bucket of warm spit could reasonably argue that it's OK to violate the supreme law of the land if people really, *really* want him to do it.*

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Dan Onorato is doing everything he can to avoid making an actual hard choice on this matter, lest it affect his run for Governor.

I wonder if he knows that the Governor's Office doesn't come with a Commonwealth issued backbone and that he has to bring one himself.

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* For the the record, lawyers who have names that rhyme with, say, "Galberto Onzales" or "Marriet Hyers" aren't worth a bucket of warm spit.

Adding to the Noise

Per Maria's post, I think I'm going to go to Specter's Town Hall meeting and heckle Arlen. Of course, in order to lighten the mood and throw everyone off, I think I'm only going to shout out positive things or non sequitors.

For example:

* "HEY ARLEN! I HOPE YOU MAKE A FULL RECOVERY FROM YOUR CANCER! I WISH YOU WELL!"

* "I BELIEVE THAT THE PRESIDENT WAS BORN IN HAWAI'I!"

* "DOES ANYONE HAVE CHANGE FOR THE PARKING METER?!"

* "PUPPIES WITH BIG EYES ARE CUTE!"

* "I REFUSE TO STOP SHOUTING UNTIL I'M FINISHED SHOUTING!"

* "HAVE YOU ACTUALLY READ THE BILL, SENATOR? DID YOU NOTICE THAT ON PAGE 156 THERE WAS A PUNCTUATION ERROR ON LINE THREE? CAN YOU GET THE PRINTERS TO FIX THAT IN THE FINAL VERSION OF THE BILL?"

* "I DON'T WANT TO START ANY TROUBLE SO I'M GOING TO SIT DOWN AND LISTEN TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY!"

* "I HAVE AN AWESOME BEAN DIP RECIPE THAT I'M WILLING TO SHARE. SEE ME AFTER THE MEETING IF YOU'RE INTERESTED!"

* "SENATOR! MY WIFE DIDN'T THINK THAT I COULD MAKE A SPECTACLE OF MYSELF AT THIS MEETING! DO YOU THINK I HAVE, OR DO I HAVE TO DROP AN ETHNIC SLUR?!"

* "I'M AFRAID OF WHAT THIS COUNTRY IS BECOMING, SENATOR: A LONG DRAWN OUT MARCH TOWARDS ENTROPY AND EVENTUAL HEAT DEATH IN A COLD UNFEELING UNIVERSE!"

* "HOW CAN I SIT ON ONE OF THESE DEATH PANELS, SENATOR?"

* "THE NAZIS HAD FREE HEALTH CARE TOO! YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ALSO HAD? MANDATORY MARCHING! ARE WE GOING TO GET MANDATORY MARCHING, SENATOR, BECAUSE HONESTLY THESE GYM MEMBERSHIP FEES ARE KILLING ME AND I CAN'T FIND THE TIME TO EXERCISE REGULARLY!"

* IF CANADIANS LOVE THEIR SINGLE PAYER SYSTEM SO MUCH, WHY DON'T CANADIAN HOCKEY PLAYERS HAVE MORE TEETH?

And so on...

I also plan to hold up a sign that reads "No evil government subsidized corn, Agnes!"

That'll confuse 'em.

A Kennywood Aside

After the last post, I got to thinking: what would be a good name for the Roller Coaster that will be replacing the Turnpike at Kennywood?

I think the answer is obvious: the Mon-Fayette Expressway.

I think the Roller Coaster will have more annual riders though.

Kennywood Announces Privatization of Turnpike

(Reuters) West Mifflin, PA - General Manager Jerome Gibas announced today that Kennywood Park's 43-year old Turnpike ride will be sold to Barcelona based infrastructure firm Abertis for $12.8 billion dollars.

"We are excited about this synergistic partnership, and we look forward to creating a new memory with Abertis."

Kennywood's parent corporation Parques Reunidos would receive a lump sum cash payment, while Abertis would collect fees at the ride entrance. At $12.8 billion, this deal is the biggest privatization of an amusement park ride.

With the downfall of the credit markets, amusement park rides have been looked on favorably by Wall Street investment firms for their reliable sources of revenue. From the entertainment standpoint, privatization lessens the political fallout from increased ticket prices and eases the restrictions on pregnant women and those with heart conditions.

Earlier this year, Morgan Stanley had placed the value of the Turnpike Ride at only $30 million, indicating that there may be more to the deal than has been initially announced.

All riders will still be required to keep their hands and legs in the cars at all times.

G-20 and Traffic

In the P-G, Michael Fuoco posits the question "Could yesterday's traffic jam be a harbinger of G-20 problems?"

The short answer is yes. The long answer is HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER YES!

If you've tried to get in touch with pretty much anyone on the service side of City government for the last few weeks, you may have noticed that they seem to be rather busy. Almost as if they were distracted by some upcoming, city-wide event. This isn't to say that regular services (pavings, repairs, Redd-up crew, etc.) are being ignored, just that city employees seem to be pulling double duty.

Now, I mention this because public safety has some prep work to do too, but the bulk of their work will come at the end of September. What that "work" actually entails will be pretty much anyone's guess, but will almost assuredly involve some sort of to-be-determined restriction on Downtown. Where and when that will happen is still anyone's guess at this point, but if I had to hazard a guess, one probably won't be able to get north beyond Forbes Avenue, east past Market Square, or west past 16th Street. Unfortunately, there are probably only one or two folks at DPS that actually know these particulars, if that, and the details will definitely not be shared with the general public until right up to the event.

So, I'm predicting that, unless there's a general order to stay the hell home, it's going to be nearly impossible to get in or out of Downtown, except by foot, bike, roller skate, or possibly trebuchet.

(I'd wouldn't go by trebuchet though, considering that Downtown is going to be one massive no fly area, and I'd hate to be intercepted by a couple of F-10s.)

And that's just the *security* restrictions; it doesn't include organized (and unorganized) street protests that may also restrict movement in the rest of Downtown.

If there is a bright spot out of all of this it's that because of Pittsburgh's odd geography, it's going to be really easy for people in places like Troy Hill, Beltzhoover, or Elliot to sucker out-of-town hippie protesters into renting rooms that are "only a mile away" from Downtown.

Of course, the last thing I need on my commute that week is tailgating a bunch of lost hippies carrying giant paper maché puppets.

A Revenue Aside

I find it interesting that people are willing to voluntarily plunk down $1.29 million to a casino, with a 10% probability of maybe, possibly being one of the very few that share the benefits of a radical wealth transfer, but that an increase of State income tax to fill a budget gap is akin to slaughtering puppies.

It's probably just me.

A Haunted Specter

I have to say, I feel bad for Arlen Specter: hated by the left wing of his current party, hated by his former party, and hated by folks who, by some miracle, manage not to soil themselves throughout the day.

At a crowded community college, Mr. Specter heard from speaker after speaker who accused him of trampling on their constitutional rights, adding to the federal deficit or allowing government bureaucrats to take over health care.

"You'll be gone, by God the bureaucrats will still be here," said one man.

"My children and grandchildren are going to pay for this," said another.

"One day God will stand before you and judge you!" shouted a third man before security guards approached and he left the room.

Granted, Arlen's done some damned silly things in his time, but I get the sense that if he still had a little "R" after his name he would be "a staunch ally in the fight of global Kenyan-fascist-socialism" or some other such nonsense.

I wonder what it's like for his staff to get calls from rank and file Democrats telling him to "hang tough" and that "we're pulling for you." Must be weird.

Casino News Cycle

Well, when I saw this I was pretty pissed:

Cyclists who endured the lengthy closure of the trail during the casino's construction were upset to learn, over the weekend, that they had to walk their bikes in front of the slots venue...

"Many folks in the bicycle community are upset, as well they should be, because that trail should be a point where people can continue to bike," said [Pittsburgh Mayor Luke] Ravenstahl. "I would say that we share the frustration of the cyclist community with that issue. It was our understanding that that would be an area where cyclists could continue to bike.

"We're going to work with the casino to try to get that rectified."

Casino spokesman Dan Fee said he was aware of the restriction, but did not know if it is temporary or permanent. Nor did he have any immediate information regarding the reason for the restriction.

"It is private property," he said. "I don't know what the substance of their complaint is."

While not the "substance" of the complaint, I would say that the "spirit" of the complaint is that there's a fucking God-awful parking garage/casino that's been built on the North Side over the heads of residents of the neighborhood and of the City and one which is just going to exacerbate social and economic problems in order to shave a few dimes off of Fox Chapel property tax bills. Casino owners not allowing people egress across a property that's supposedly a vehicle for public tax relief seems down right hypocritical and also anathema to the recent spirit of opening up the riverfronts for public use.

[Jumps off soapbox and regains composure.]

If this is not just a temporary situation, I'd say that the folks over at Bike Pittsburgh should mobilize their membership and their friends and have them all park their bikes in each individual space in the garage.

UPDATE:

After cyclists complained about the walk-your-bikes restrictions, Mr. Onorato's Special Projects Coordinator Darla Cravotta today called casino Community Relations Manager George Matta. "George told us that they are going to change the sign that's there," said county spokesman Kevin Evanto "to something along the lines of, 'Please proceed with caution.' "

Well, alright then. Glad that's solved.

MFX IV: Mason v. Dixon

For all of you that are looking forward to going nowhere fast, there's this:

Pennsylvania, West Virginia and federal officials gathered here today to break ground on the final West Virginia section of the Mon-Fayette Expressway.

The four-mile stretch will connect Interstate 68 outside Morgantown with the section that currently ends in Fayette County, Pa.

The $150 million Mountain State section is expected to open in October 2010.

I'm still trying to figure out what the point of all this is... I mean other than a giant boondoggle and give away to the heavy construction industry and related unions.

Maybe the folks at PennDOT just wanted to reenact the Braddock Campaign* and try to retake Pittsburgh from the French.

I gotta wonder, though: with the clusterfuck that is the State Budget, does PennDOT, the Turnpike Commission or anyone else really have the money to complete this damned thing in the near future, or are they just jerking off?

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* Of course, they should remember that Braddock gets massacred outside of Pittsburgh (not all too far from Hazelwood in the grand scheme of things) and is buried in a shallow grave outside of Uniontown. One can only hope that the MFX suffers a similar, but more gruesome fate.

USDA NOFA

The folks at the USDA sent this NOFA to me today:

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DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE
Rural Business Cooperative Service
Notice of Funds Availability (NOFA)
Inviting Applications for the Federal Ornithological Wing & Leg (FOWL) Program A/K/A "Cash for Cluckers" Program for Fiscal Year 2009
AGENCY: Rural Business Cooperative Service, USDA.
ACTION: Notice of solicitation of applications.
SUMMARY: This Notice announces the availability of $6,256,000 of competitive grant funds for the RCDI program through the Rural Business Cooperative Service (RBCS), an agency within the USDA Rural Development mission area herein referred to as the Agency. Applicants must provide matching funds in an amount at least equal to the Federal grant. These grants will be made to qualified intermediary organizations that will provide financial and technical assistance to recipients to purchase buckets, sandwiches, nuggets or salads made, in whole or in part, of either dark or white chicken meat. This Notice lists the information needed to submit an application for these funds.
DATES: The deadline for receipt of an application is 4 p.m. local time, September 24, 2009. Applications received before 10 AM will be redirected to the Agency's BREAKFAST Program. The application date and time are firm. The application will not cover "Biggie sizing," "Super-sizing," or any similar programs. The Agency will not consider any application received after the deadline, and reserves the right to put spit, mop water or semen in your application. Applicants intending to mail applications must provide sufficient time to permit delivery on or before the closing deadline date and time, as well as a styrofoam container or other suitable wrapping device. Acceptance by the United States Postal Service or private mailer does not constitute delivery. [Unintelligible mumbling] fries with that? Facsimile (FAX) and postage due applications will not be accepted. Correct change is required.
ADDRESSES: Entities wishing to apply for assistance may download the application documents and requirements delineated in this Notice from the RCDI Web site: http:// www.rurdev.usda.gov/rhs/rcdi/index.htm. Application information for electronic submissions may be found at http://www.grants.gov. Applicants may also request paper application packages, napkins, straws, and honey mustard from the Rural Development office in their state. A list of Rural Development offices and participating locations is included in this Notice.
FOR FURTHER INFORMATION CONTACT: The Rural Development office for the state the applicant is located in. A list of Rural Development State Office contacts is included in this Notice. Please pull around to the next window.