Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Rant #45985

Attention worthless piece of human sputum:

Please explain, exactly, how it is my fault that you have lost the ability to use abstract reasoning, derive logical conclusions from available data, and contemplate your own existence. Should I also be restraining you from licking your own genitals and throwing your own feces across the department?

While I understand that scientists continue to debate the role of nature versus nuture in human development, in either case you would have to have been raised by a pack of retarded donkeys that beat you regularly to descend to this level of stupidity.

Common household items have more drive, initiative, and intelligence that you. My cable box is more responsive, and, at this rate has provided better service. I have several lamps that are brighter than you and several knives that are sharper. I even have a spoon that's sharper.

By the way, I would stay away from sharp metal objects and wall sockets if I were you. That combination can only result in tears and flames.

In future, I will, instead ask the wall, my chair, or the funk underneath my garbage can for assistance rather than you. At least the funk under the garbage has some potential to evolve into something intelligent.

I can only hope that you refrain from breeding. I know a few doctors that will be glad to help you out. I can only hope that if you did have any children you followed the example of hampsters and ate them all. It is the only way that the species can advance.

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