Monday, December 31, 2007
Posted by O at 10:56 AM
Friday, December 21, 2007
People of Pittsburgh:
I warned you that those dirty, smelly, pot smoking, sabot wearing, tulip picking, windmill chasing, whore mongering, polyglot, dike building, Ann Frank hiding, Eurotrash would be invading our fair Region and look what's happened:
Dutch company Royal Philips Electronics has agreed to buy Murrysville-based Respironics Inc. for $5.1 billion in a deal announced early today.See! Now we're going to have to put mayonnaise on all of our french fries, start speaking Flemish, drink our beers warm, convert to Islam, and marry our cousins.
George Allen Mosley is Executive Vice President of the Americanize America Foundation and adjunct Professor of Racism and Intolerance at Liberty University
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Here's a quote from the P-G regarding Mr. Ravenstahl's inauguration speech:
He said a young George Washington saw the confluence of three rivers as "an ideal place to build a fort, to make a stand," and said that's what it is today.While George Washington did survey the forks of the Ohio and did recommend the site as a location for a fort (later Fort Prince George), one should also remember that he also thought that building a fort, in the middle of a forest clearing, in a valley, with a stream running through it was a good idea too.
And then he surrendered to the French, thereby starting a world war.
So, take the whole George Washington thing with a grain of salt.
The Pittsburgh 250 Project has announced its awardees (awarders? award recipients?) for regional and grassroots projects to receive a total of $1 million in funding for activities and events occurring during the region's 250th anniversary in 2008. Unfortunately for me, once again my submitted project (George Washington Pooped Here: a multimedia, full sensory examination of Pittsburgh Regional Outhouses, Privies, and other Toilets) was rejected in favor of Walkin', Fishin', and alleged Mule House related projects.
Still, a lot of these activities & projects are pretty damned cool. I'm particularly looking forward to the giant headless steelworker at the Southside Works, but mostly because I hope to use my anthropomorphism ray to crush my enemies.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
In regards to the announcement that local medical behemoth UPMC is asking for tax credits, PittGirl is torn between thinking that this is a brilliant move to reward the organization for its generous contribution to the Pittsburgh Promise and thinking that the Mayor is the toadying Smithers to Jeffrey Romoff's (UPMC's CEO) Mr. Burns.
I don't think I'm nearly as torn on the matter, except to say that Smithers is at least a competent toady.
In what can only be described as a high stakes shell game, the Mayor is pushing council to OK a pre-emptive tax break to a non-profit (untaxed under current law) for matching funds contributions made to a mayoral pet project. Now, don't get me wrong, the Pittsburgh Promise idea has a lot of... erm... promise, but it's hardly the type of program that is essential to the City qua its function as a City, as would be road maintenance, public safety, zoning, tax collection, parks, etc. Those things are the kinds of services that the City would be paying for with the money that it could receive from a UPMC tax contribution which it doesn't receive yet anyhow.
Still with me? Good.
So, if you can't figure it out, it sounds like UPMC is betting that the law will, in fact, be changed to allow non-profits to be taxed and is trying to pre-emptively offset its losses.
The problem, of course, is that once UPMC does it, there is precedence for other non-profits to pull the same kind of crap, earmarking money that would have gone into roads/bridges/trash collecting/etc. for a mayoral fancy. If that happens, we still have the status quo... which, as you know, is Latin for "the mess we're in."
Of course, the City may have the last laugh: if the Pittsburgh Promise works out, perhaps down the road we'll have smarter politicians and a smarter voting public that won't fall for this type of bullshit.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
When I found out that our beloved, family-owned Kennywood was to be sold to a private company, I was crushed. When I found out that it was being sold to a group of dirty, greasy, taco-eating Spaniards, I was enraged. Now, to make matters worse, I find out that the venerable horse racing institution known as The Meadows is to be sold to a bunch of goose stepping Nazi Austrians. Let me tell you, I am livid.
It's bad enough that those lazy, good for nothing Spaniards are jumping over the border and taking our jobs, but now we also have to contend with these Aryans trying to take over our world with their wienerschnitzel and their oompa-music and their ethnic cleansing.
I mean, whatever happened to good old AMERICAN companies, like Bayer or the Westinghouse Electric Company or Marconi? Why don't we have those kinds of red white and blue companies anymore?
Next thing you know, we'll be up to our ears in dirty, slitty eyed, monkey faced, Dutch coming here blowing up our churches, marrying our daughters, and driving down our property values.
When my grandfather immigrated here to Pittsburgh, it certainly wasn't so some foreigner could take his job.
George Allen Mosley is Executive Vice President of the Americanize America Foundation
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
If you've been following along in the P-G or on the Pittsburgh City-Council pay-per-view channel* you would have noticed that Darlene Harris is pushing to get animal control moved from Public Works to Public Safety, to wit:
Ms. Harris said Friday that she will propose moving the division from the Public Works Department to the Public Safety Department, professionalizing its management and shifting its focus. Then it can better control feral animal populations and teach people about pet care, she said.Because, when I think of "pet care" I think of Michael Huss... or at least more than I think of Michael Vick.
Now, this all, of course, makes perfect sense in light of former Councilperson Twanda Carlisle assertion back in July that "In 2007, cats are more aggressive than they used to be."
I can only assume that this moves means that, despite all the joking that was done, Ms. Carlisle was absolutely correct and that there are currently roaming street gangs of cats, dogs, birds, turtles, hamsters, ferrets, and Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs assaulting old women, dealing crack, and generally terrorizing the populace of the City of Pittsburgh.
Or perhaps Al Qaeda is on the verge of developing the suicide Guinea Pig.
Or maybe Chinese counterfitters are saturating the American market is knock off Shitz Zhus.
Or maybe Super Chicken is off the Super Sauce again.
I'm glad we're on top of this situation.
*After 10 PM the legislation gets a little "blue".
Sunday, December 09, 2007
A month after he was elected mayor of Pittsburgh, and two weeks before his inauguration, Luke Ravenstahl managed not to fuck everything up for a whole week.
On one day, Tuesday, City Council asked for an end to state fiscal oversight; Don Barden said he'll move forward on his North Shore casino next week; and the mayor agreed not to veto an ordinance on police domestic violence. Late in the day, the Mayor decided against selling high school drop outs to UPMC for organ harvesting purposes.
Each decision was a tough one, but as the Mayor approaches his December 20th inauguration, he faces a long selection of potentially disastrous decisions that are yet to be made.
For now, the 27 year old Mayor seems content to rest on the laurels of the bad decisions that he has not yet made. Saying that "with the budgetary shortfalls and discussions with the County and the State regarding administrative mergers, there are plenty of ways that I can completely fuck up."
"I struggled with trying to get my message out there for a significant period of time because of some of the other things that arose throughout the campaign," he conceded, adding "I hope that the citizens of the City will realize that there are times when I will, unfortunately, not act like a complete horse's ass 100% of the time."
Mayoral spokesperson Joanna Doven in a press release itemized several ridiculously bad ideas that the Mayor had chosen not to pursue including using the Public Works asphalt plant to construction a giant statue of 1980s T.V. star Peter Scolari urinating champagne, paying off the City bond debt with his Discover card, and a controversial plan to sell the Fineview neighborhood for money for hookers and blow. The mayor also wisely chose not to tell a CMU computer science class that if they hung around with Asian students they "would get all slitty eyed."
Duquesne Law Professor Joseph Sabino Leger said the mayor's ability not to act like a total putz for a week is a sign of growing maturity in the young politician.
"Still, with the number of decisions that the mayor needs to make on a given day, it will only be a matter of time before he supports an amendment to the City Homerule Charter banning the use of gerunds. I believe he has a long way to go and we can expect more fuck ups in the near future."
The Mayor's Office's Task Force on Bad Ideas is due to present it's recommendations to the mayor on January 3rd at the City's first annual Children's Handgun and Liquor festival.
Friday, December 07, 2007
There's always a disparity between those that know how things work and those that have no clue how things work. Unfortunately, those that have no clue about the way things work, details of problems, potential implications of choices, and the law often find themselves in the role of "manager".
In the Governmental world, these are Politicians and their appointees.
So, you can imagine the problems that result when Politicians and their assorted cronies try to fiddle with is what is, by right, the responsibility of those with actual knowledge of the details, i.e., the Bureaucrats. There are oftentimes perfectly good reasons why things are done certain ways, whether it is because of precedent, law, or fiscal obligation. Appointees and politicians, who are not content to stay within their realm of general "policy," often find the need to meddle needlessly... with annoying and potentially disastrous results.
The One-Eyed Fat Man once referred to it as "Children playing with nuclear weapons." I put the resulting fracas a little bit more delicately as Rule #29:
Rule #29: It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on.
Of course, no one should begin to even consider the slightest possibility that I'm even suggesting that this is in anyway a reference to the current Pittsburgh mayoral administration. Anyone who thinks so is sadly mistaken about that being in any way the case, for surely it is not... even if it was.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
OK, so the drink tax is now a done deal and only too late do I realize this was merely a trap to silence this blog.
On one hand you have a tax that funds the Port Authority; on the other hand, you have more expensive drinks at Gooski's, the Squirrel Cage, Penn Brewery, Mitchell's, Mullaney's, Piper's, D's, Big Jim's, Silky's, Sharp Edge (Emporium AND Creekhouse), Fat Head's, Ryan's, Kelly's, Buffalo Blues, and The Church. Your's truly is dependent on all of the above to power this blog.
Without the bus, I don't have the mind numbing tedium necessary to think up things like comparing the Mayor to a less competent George W. Bush without the whole "Male Cheerleader" thing.*
Without the drink, I don't have the fuel necessary to power my profanity laden rants and the protection necessary to keep the Downtown free WiFi waves out of my brain.
And, of course, I'm a contentious drunk, so I don't drink and drive... I drink and bus. [If you've never ridden the 61C and puked into the change box, well, you're a better person than me.]
But anyway, I'm not saying that the drink tax is directly aimed at me, but I have stocked up on beer, wine, vodka, gin, scotch, bourbon, port, mead, and sherry**, so I can exploit the "stay-at-home-and-drink-in-the-dark-alone" loophole in the law.
I hope you're happy, John DeFazio.
* Give me a break... I got a ride home today.
** But no Jägermeister.... that's just nasty.
Glad to see that things as silly as public approvals aren't holding up the construction of the new casino. From the P-G:
The city Planning Commission late today agreed to delay the public hearing for consideration of the design of the $450 million North Shore casino until Jan. 15.OK, maybe that's snark; getting a contractor to start, stop, start, restart, re-stop, and re-restart is about as painful as watching The Day After Tomorrow in a theater filled with 15 year olds. So, I can understand why Don Barden doesn't want to cancel digging in below zero weather.
The Riverlife Task Force early today sent the city a letter asking for the delay. As a result, the commission plans to hold the public hearing and the vote on whether to approve the design on the same day.
The public hearing had been scheduled for Tuesday, the same day as the ground-breaking ceremony for the facility. The ground-breaking will proceed as scheduled.
No, wait, I don't... unless there's going to be hot chocolate... and space heaters... and it's inside.
Actually the most surreal part of the whole delay is that the attorney that held up the public hearing is Cliff Levine, a former Murphy appointee to the Planning Commission and former chair of the Zoning Board of Adjustments. I mean, if anyone knows the law in this matter, it would be Cliff.
In a larger sense, however, it seems like a microcosm of the current political situation in the City, where it appears that former long-standing political advisers have been pushed to the side in favor of new, inexperienced blood.
But maybe that's me.
Oh, and it would be nice if the public meeting wasn't the same day as the approval, but then again, I'm a big fan of being, you know, informed about stuff.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
There are days that I think that people of this Region believe that global warming has already pushed Pittsburgh into a climate more akin to Atlanta, and therefore are in no need of any of the skills useful for driving in inclement Winter weather.
Today, of course, is one of those days. So, for those of you that think that have already stocked up on milk, bread, and toilet paper and obviously think that we're going to die, I'm going to offer you some advice:
Stay off the fucking road.
Seriously, people. I know that we're not in northern Manitoba where it thaws out sometime around July 3rd, but we are in northern region and we should be prepared to deal with winter weather appropriately.
For example: as an alternative to driving down a hill with your foot on the brake, why not slide the car into 2nd gear instead, using the mechanics of the car to control your speed?
Or, if you have a truck, SUV, or other behemoth that has four wheel drive, why don't you learn how to use it. Alternatively, if you have a truck, SUV, or other behemoth without 4 wheel drive, why don't you just leave your car in the garage and slowly kill yourself through carbon monoxide poisoning, as you are obviously a waste of skin and good sense. And just to give you the little extra oomph you're going to need: yes, the world knows that you have a small penis.
Additionally, you may become aware that your car may not be able to drive in quite the same manner as it would when it is 80 degrees and sunny out. This may mean that your Toyota Tercel may not be able to make it up many of the "horizontally challenged" street in the City quite so easily. This does not mean, however, that you should gun your engine, slide sideways, stall out, and drift backwards into oncoming traffic. That is something that PennDOT in its driver safety manual calls "a stupid ass thing to do."
As a courtesy measure, you should clean off the snow laden roofs of your vehicles. As much fun as it can be to pretend that you're outrunning the blizard in your rear view mirror, those drivers behind you (of various degrees of driving competency) may use the opportunity to playfully plow into your rear end or, and this is my personal favorite, bust out your tail lights with a five iron concealed under the floor mats in my back seat.
And, of course to those of you that live in or visit to Lawrenceville: if you ignore the chair and take the parking spot that I worked for 20 minutes to clear out, I will bust your skull in.