Cyril Wecht Guilty of "Loving Too Much"

In front of a packed courtroom today, former Allegheny County coroner, noted pathologist, and self-described "shrinking violet" tearfully admitted that he was guilty of loving too much.

"Over the last two years I've been hounded by a Federal prosecutor for crimes that I did not commit. It has drained every penny from my bank account and every drop of blood from my heart. But I never gave up. I didn't give up on myself, I didn't give up on America, nor did I give up on this great concept we call Justice," Wecht said in front of the assembled.

"But there was a crime committed here, one that I was not accused of, but, which, now I must fully come clean. That crime? Loving too much. I am guilty of such a crime, and I intend to serve my sentence without delay or reservation." Wecht's bond was set at $30,000 and he was then led out of the courtroom to a holding cell.

U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan, who has doggedly pursued Dr. Wecht, remains unsure if she can prosecute for this crime.

"Well, usually Loving too Much is a class two misdemeanor, but with such a high-profile target... that is, defendant, we're probably going to seek the death penalty."

Legal scholars differ on whether Wetcht can be successfully prosecuted. In Michaels v. The People of California, former Wham! frontman George Michaels was found guilty of loving too much in a hotel bathroom stall. The charges, however, were lessened to public indecency, and Michaels was placed on parole.

On his way out of court, Wecht shouted to reporters, "You'd better start building a second prison, because there's not a prison in the world big enough for me and my ego!"

Wecht's attorney's have asked for a complete and total media whiteout of the upcoming trial.