Governor's Mistress Identified

(Reuters) Columbia, SC. - Fighting pressure to resign, new revelations emerged yesterday about the mistress of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford and her involvement in a major international criminal organization.

The two term Governor had apologized to his cabinet and the State for his marital infidelity, but lingering questions remain regarding his deceiving his staff after breaking away from a state-funded trade mission to South America last summer to rendezvous with his mistress. Sanford had told his staff that would been hiking the Appalachian trail during the Father's Day weekend, where, again he visited his mistress. The Governor's disappearance spend several days in the news cycle.

New details about the mistress have emerged which indicate that the woman, only identified as "C.S.", is the head of Villains' International League of Evil (V.I.L.E.), a criminal organization whose agents either assist her in committing outrageous thefts or else commit thefts on her behalf.

Anonymous sources close to Sanford say that the Governor had first became aware of "C.S." after her associate Patty Larceny had stolen Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night from the New York Museum of Modern Art. Sanford followed Larceny and other associates of "C.S." throughout the world, identifying them through hair colour, favourite foods, and favourite author. Sanford had tracked his future mistress to the country of San Marino after she stole the Eiffel Tower from Paris, but, after becoming enamored of her red hat and trenchcoat, he let her go.

The couple later spirited away to Buenos Aries, Argentina, where they plotted to steal all the Beans from Lima.

The Governor refused to comment on these rumors, although he was spotted with a copy of The World Almanac and Book of Facts in his back pocket.