Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Ravenstahl Proposes City Budget Gap to be Plugged with "Magic"

On the heals of its rejection by the Intergovernmental Cooperation Authority, Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl has announced that he will fund the City's budget through a combination of tax increases, service fees, and magic.

"We've tapped every source of funds that are available," said the Mayor speaking to reporters following the ICA's board decision, "now it's time to conjure up some new ones. I'm proposing a 3% spell tax, along with an excise tax on potions, and a Wizard licensing fee, along with chasing rainbows to find pots of leprechaun gold."

The Mayor also promised to locate a unicorn ride it to slay a dragon, and steal the dragon's horde. (A representative from Ms. Buchanan's office did not return calls for this story.)

Dark magic has long been used to support so-called "supply side" tax schemes at the nation level, but this is the first reported use of magic at a local level.

Councilman Ricky Burgess, called the plan "unworkable" and proposed a witch surcharge fee in place of the Mayor's proposal and a expedition to the lost city of Atlantis to make up for the nearly $15 funding gap.

Professor John Levi, chair of the University of Pittsburgh Economics Department described both Councilman Burgess' and the Mayor's plans as "infeasible."

"A declining City like Pittsburgh needs to reduce the level of services it has to provide and try to find some way to grow tax revenue in a sustainable way, without relying on phantom sources of funds. Plus magic doesn't exist."

When reached for comment, a representative for Magician's Union Local 101 promptly vanished in a puff of smoke.


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EdHeath said...

You know you are in trouble when the economist makes sense.

Jacob said...

I believe the ACLU is already planning to go to court on behalf of the practitioners of the Wicca religion who will be adversely singled out by this proposition.

Anonymous said...

Does this mean we can finally get a unicorn at the Pittsburgh Zoo? Awesome.

Beth@ACLA said...

Why can't I write press releases like this?