Monday, July 17, 2006

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

Those of you that care (both of you) may have noticed that postings have been scant the last few weeks. I was, in fact, elsewhere in the middle-of-bloody-nowhere with scant access to either computer devise or means of internet access.

On the plus side, I did manage to get out of the house for awhile, into the fresh air and my flesh briefly changed from pasty-white, to golden tan, only to go straight on to vermillion. As Woody Allen once said, "I don't 'tan'; I 'stroke.'"

Anyway, upon my return to the real world, however, I did hear about the Mayor's unfortunate, and unexpected diagnosis. The timing of this event lead me to one conclusion: my presense in the Region prevented the Mayor from getting cancer.

Shocking, I know but consider the facts:
(1) July 6 - Mayor O'Connor is hospitalized.
(2) July 1 - The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat leaves the region for the first time since Mayor O'Connor's inauguration.

Also, further consider that this has been the first time in this administration that the Mayor has gotten cancer AND this is the first time that I have left the Region!

To illustrate further, please examine this graph:

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The correlation is clear and it means only one thing: I can never leave the region again.*

I am, of course, humbled in the awesomeness of my responsibility, but, for the sake of the City, I shall do my part.

I wish Mr. O'Connor a speedy recovery.

* Which would pretty much make me like every other Pittsburgher, I suppose.

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