Thursday, November 02, 2006

Midterm 2006 Victims (Part 4)

Let's not beat around the bush here: what I'm about to present is probably the worst political website that I've seen thus far this year. I'm afraid that if I show it to you, I'm going to violate several child endangerment laws and perhaps several laws of nature. This site scares me and I was worried that if I looked at it too long, my face would melt off like at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

So if you're nervous and you feel the need to click on any one of those links to the right there before going any further, I'm not going to be upset.

I'll give you a second to think about it...





Don't say you weren't warned:

You may have to click on the link to get the full, heady impact of the site.

Let's start at the beginning:

The old saying goes that a picture is worth a thousand words. Mr. Ogden's picture is worth exactly 18 words: "I swear to Jesus, I will break your body with my moustache and eat your still beating heart." It also says to me "I saved a bundle at Sears Portrait Studio."

Now, second, I realize that Mr. Ogden spent some money on his campaign [it says that the site was paid for WAAAAAAAAAAY at the bottom of the page] and I realize that he isn't a professional politician, but you would think that he would have chosen an email address a little better than gymowner777[at]yahoo[dot]com . I mean, he could have asked me for one of my gmail invites (I have 99 left... and no friends). And Yahoo? Are they even around anymore? I thought they were bought out by or something back in the late 90s.

Third, it is very important for a politician, vital even, to make sure you know how to spell the names of the places that you are hoping to represent. "Sheraden" has an "A" in it, not an "I". Now, again, I realize that this is not Mr. Ogden's full time job, but you think some level of basic research could have been done on his part.

Fourth: there is absolutely no reason to change the size the CASE or the color of your text for no good reason, especially in mid sentence. It is fairly distracting.

Imagine no more property taxes! Imagine no more Sheriffs Sales. Imagine no more property assessments! Imagine making home-improvements without being afraid of Property Assessors! Imagine how much more valuable & safer our neighborhoods would be if homeowners were allowed to remodel their homes without being penalized for fixing them up!
Imagine that a politician could make unworkable, irresponsible, and not-fully-thought-out promises. Imagine that you had a unicorn that farted rainbows and magical pixie dust! Imagine that this paragraph didn't sound like John Lennon if he was an economist on crack! Imagine that it wasn't all so green!

Sixth, if you're going to endorse a program, make sure that the acronyms (S.T.O.P.) match the programs (Stop Taxing Our Homes?).

But I'm going to stop here, as I fear that Mr. Ogden will, in fact make good on his threat and rip out my still beating heart.


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