Ickes Named to Mathematics Chair

Cambridge, MA (AP) - Former Clinton Chief of Staff and current Hillary Clinton supporter Harold Ickes has been named to the prestigious Mittag-Leffler Mathematics Chair at Harvard University for his recent work on the practical application of recipriversexclusonary numbers.

In a press release, Mr. Ickes said that he is pleased with the appointment and would use the position to break down the barriers between rational and imaginary numbers.

Professors at Harvard University, in their letter of appointment, noted Mr. Ickes' proof at the recent DNC Rules Committee meeting that 175 was greater than 600,000 and that 12,217,745 was greater than 12,891,604 for certain large values of 12,217,745. Mr. Ickes later went on to prove that Ms. Clinton has an infinite number of votes and should, therefore, be accorded the Democratic nomination.*

Professor Noam Elkies called Mr. Ickes appointment a "new chapter in the world of mathematics."

Recipriversexclusonary mathematics were first pioneered by theoretical mathematician Douglas Adams in his book Life, the Universe, and Everything as a "number whose existence can only be defined as being anything other than itself."

Just as Albert Einstein's general relativity theory observed that space was not an absolute but depended on the observer's movement in time, and that time was not an absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in space, so it is now realized that numbers are not absolute...

The appointment has been seen in academic circles as exculpation for the firing of another Clinton aide Lawrence Summners as University President after he argued that women are just "no good at math."

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* Given that Clinton has won 13,403,104 in popular vote (including Michigan and Florida), which is an even number, and given that the votes themselves were awarded oddly, and given that the only "number" that can be both odd and even is infinity, Clinton must, therefore, have an infinite number of votes. Q.E.D.