The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: On Vetoes and Campaign Finance Reform

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

On Vetoes and Campaign Finance Reform

So the Mayor vetoed the proposed Campaign Finance legislation and Council failed to override it. All things considered, this should be no surprise. On one side you have Shadyside's Otis, the Guy Who Won't Shut Up, a Minister, and a Guy with Really Good Hair and on the other you have A Gas Thief, a Ditch Digger, Waldo, a Chainsmoker, and Opie.

Something tells me that it's the latter group that is most interested in higher office and would be the most hurt in State races by the proposed legislation. Indeed, it seems a long shot that Opie is going to retire as Mayor of Pittsburgh, so he's obviously going to need some sort of career after Grant Street, whether that's courier service accounts manager, Public Works Employee, State Senator or any career that doesn't involve him being eligible for parole in 5-10 years.*

So, it stands to reason that Messrs Opie, Thief, Digger and Mmes Waldo and Chainsmoker are going to be running for other, higher offices in the near term and don't want to mess with the rules just yet. [Mr. Digger is obviously running already... as he has already proven his leaderhip abilities.]

As for the other cohort, well, perhaps they haven't though that far ahead.

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* "Felon" seems to be a very popular retirement plan amongst many of our local elected officials.

4 comments:

Mark Rauterkus said...: Jimmmmmyyyy has his eyes set on the prize of "D.M" -- district magistrate. He'll want to follow the career path of Gene R. So, I'm not sure if that is 'higher office' or not. It is more security with a longer term and it is fewer nights and weekends.; 9:19 PM
Anonymous said...: Luke is probably watching himself closely. If he did something, he might draw a tough judge and get bumped out of juvie.; 12:01 AM
Bram Reichbaum said...: "On one side you have Shadyside's Otis, the Guy Who Won't Shut Up, a Minister, and a Guy with Really Good Hair"

You forgot one. We are all eagerly awaiting your cutesy appellation for him.; 2:19 PM
O said...: I hear "Jimmmmaaay" from Mark and my mind drifts towards South Park and I laugh.

And my other appellation... "The guy that I always forget" or "Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen", take your pick.; 11:05 PM