Thursday, February 16, 2012

Luke Ravenstahl Still Waiting For Valentine's Day Card

Despite it being two days ago, Mayor Luke Ravenstahl is still waiting patiently for a Valentine's Day card from someone.

The Mayor has been vigilantly watching his hand made Valentine Mailbox at his desk hoping that someone would drop in a card or perhaps some candy. Despite checking nearly every 15 minutes, his construction paper box remains empty.

Mr. Ravenstahl had earlier expressed an expectation that the Rooneys, Ron Burkle, and Snoop Dog would all send him a card. To that end, he made his mailbox twice as big as normal "to fit all the cards" he was going to get from all of his friends. As of 7 PM Thursday evening, however, it remained empty.

His Chief of Staff Yarone Zober expressed concern over the Mayor.

"We had a big party, you know, and everyone was passing around Valentines to each other and I guess we all just didn't get Luke a card. I kind of feel bad for him. I mean that's got to crush him to know that no one is willing to even get him a card."

The Mayor's Press Secretary Joanna Doven said that the Mayor is fine.

"OK, Luke's a weird guy, you know. We can see him picking his nose and wiping I under he desk. And there was this one time when he called Darlene Harris "Mommy" and wet his pants in front of Council. But, that doesn't mean we hate him... He's just not Valentine material. Now Ed Gainey? He's dreamy."

Other members of the Mayor's staff have secretly tried to persuade City Government employees to take pity on the Mayor and send him a Valentine, but to no avail thus far. Certain members of he Finance Department are still a little creeped out after Ravenstahl hung out in heir offices for weeks after they got him a Birthday cake last year.

"It's kind of sad and I'd like to do something for him," said Zober, "but I don't really like the guy that much.

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