Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Pittsburgh City Planning Misplaces Neighborhood

In a secret memo obtained by The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat, the Director of the City of Pittsburgh Department of Planning admits that her department has "misplaced" the Neighborhood of Chartiers City.

The memo, written by Director Noor Ismail to Mayoral Chief of Staff Yarone Zober outlines a series of events over the last three weeks that led to the realization that an entire neighborhood was missing.

On January 16, 2012 City Planning Staff made an attempt to survey the basic conditions of the Chartiers City neighborhood as part of the overall PlanPgh initiative. The staff members, who are not named tried to access the neighborhood attempted to travel down Chartiers Avenue from Sheraden, however, found themselves in McKees Rocks, rather than Chartiers City. They made a second attempt, this time from Windgap, but again, found themselves in McKees Rocks.

Google Maps confirmed to City Planning that the neighborhood no longer appeared in any of their databases and had simply vanished. The Pittsburgh Department of Public Safety has not reported anyone missing and has not fielded any calls out of the ordinary, leading City staff to individually question whether the neighborhood ever existed in the first place.

Ms. Ismail goes on to say that she believes the area to be a "space-time nexus where the normal rules of our universe simply cease to exist", much like the final act in the movie 2001. She advises the Mayor's Office to evade any questions from West Pittsburgh residents and simple respond that "they are aware of the situation." City officials are to contact paranormal researchers and any Scottish natives of the town of Brigadoon.

This would not be the first time the City of Pittsburgh has lost a neighborhood. In 1998, East Oakland vanished under circumstances that officials describe as "best not to go in to."

More as this story develops.

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