Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Casino Winners and Losers

It's hard to be concise about this topic, as there are so many factors at play here: economics, sustainability, traffic, tax generation, development, lunatics, idiots, etc., etc., so I'll try to be brief, although it is, as I said before, difficult with all those factors mentioned above, which, of course, hinder brevity and conciseness.

Anywho, without further delay, here's the post-game recap on today's Casino winners and losers.

WINNER: PITG Gaming - The Little Casino That Could, pulls a major coup. Virtually ignored by the chattering classes, despite it's high projected early return, accessible location, and waterfront view. Now while the kids are off romping through the Science Center, Grandma can blow her pension check. That's convenience right there.

LOSER: Isle of Capri & Forrest City Enterprises - The big dogs go down and down hard, despite promising everything short of world peace, forty acres and a mule that gives hummers. Word of advice: if something seems too good to be true, it usually is. If you don't believe me, I have a Nigerian business friend I'd like to introduce you to.

WINNER: The Hill District Neighborhood - Despite what others are saying, the casino was not going to be a giant economic development panacea for "troubled" neighborhoods. It didn't work with the Civic Arena either, folks. Why should it work this time around?

WINNER: The South Side - Carson Street didn't need any more traffic. Period.

LOSER: The Pittsburgh Penguins - Without their IoC sugardaddies, the Penguins are left with no other alternative but to blackmail the City and State for a new arena. This can only end in tears. More about the arena over here.

WINNER: The Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board - The sonsofbitches actually made a decision based purely on the criteria they were supposed to. Good on them!

LOSER: Tonya "The Black Stabber"* Payne - The Councilwoman was "Totally shocked" that she backed the wrong horse in this race. I wonder if her constituents feel the same way about her...?

LOSER: Pittsburgh First - In many eyes, this group basically sold out their neighborhood to IoC, only to walk away empty handed. That's just dumb business right there. At least they could've held out for some complementary T-shirts.

LOSER: Penguins Fans - If Bill Toland was editing his comments for profanity, libel and bad grammar and deleting the nonsensical ones, I'd hate to see what the unvarnished hockey lunatic letters looked like. Actually, I think I would like to read the unvarnished truth. Bill, send us the reject letters; we have no journalistic integrity over here!

LOSER: The City of Pittsburgh - Not a loser for the obvious reason that the casino will bring ruin and destruction on the City, but because they would have made a windfall profit selling off all the publicly owned land around the IoC site.

LOSER: Land Speculators - Ditto.

LOSER: Every Western Pennsylvanian Politician - Guess who now has to figure out a way to fund a new arena for the Penguins now that the "free" money from IoC is gone? Lord knows that if they don't make good, they will face the wrath of dozens of drunken, semi-literate hockey fans WHO WRITE IN ALL CAPS.

LOSER: Pundits, Prognosticators, and Bloggers - Wrong, wrong, wrong! Everyone of you! Never has so much was written on stuff we knew so little about. Obviously everyone "knew" that IoC or Harrah's was going to get the casino, and yet everyone was absolutely wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG! What can you say but "Oops"?
Well, that's my first take on it. Lots of Losers, I've noticed. Can't imagine why that would be.


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