Tuesday, February 19, 2008

King Friday XIII Abdicates Throne in Favor of Son

The Neighborhood of Make Believe was quiet today as residents woke up to the news that long reigning despot King Friday XIII had stepped down in favor of his Son Prince Tuesday.

Friday, 81, who had been King of the Neighborhood for over forty years revealed his intentions at 3 AM local time via a pledge call during an airing of Rick Sebak's "Sandwiches That You Will Like" on the local NMBP mouthpiece WQED.

"It is with abject sadness and an overwhelming sense of history that I make this pronouncement to my subjects. It is the chronological imperative of our neighborhood to pursue purity of the ideals of Make Believe."

Longtime ally of the King, Mayor Maggie of Westwood, wished the King the best and thanked him for his many years of service.

Prince Tuesday immediately held an emergency cabinet meeting, and released a statement saying that the matters of government would continue "correct as usual." He is expected to be coronated as King Tuesday I within the week.

The resignation comes as little surprise to observers of NMB politics. The King had not been seen in public since February 2003, leading many to speculate that he had succumbed to the ongoing effects of Puppitis, a hereditary disease of the NMB ruling family.

Friday's rule had been a long and troubled path, fraught with intrigue, deception, and possible crimes against humanity.

His father, King Friday XII was ousted in a U.S. backed right wing military coup in the early 1950s. Friday XII died within days of the coup under mysterious circumstances. The younger Friday was seen as a more acceptable choice to the business interests of the Neighborhood and the military junta. The new King assumed the outward appearance of a monarch, but in actuality he was little more than a puppet.

In 1963, however, fearing that he would suffer the same fate as his father, the King escaped to Canada forming a government-in-exile. With the backing of the USSR, Friday assembled an elite guerrilla fighting squad and, in 1966, returned to liberate his neighborhood.

Residents of the neighborhood were, at first, overjoyed to see their monarch restored to the throne, but it soon became apparent that his years of exile had left him bitter.

The King immediately nationalized The Factory, placing Cornflake S. Pecially as his Minister of Production and Commerce, tasking him with creating a five year plan to rebuild the Make Believe Economy. The King took control of the transportation system, building a neighborhood-wide trolley system, and of the communication system, building an elaborate "phone cage" which was declared to be a technological triumph.

Despite vowing to stamp out nepotism, his niece, Aberlin, was given a highly paid position in his government, with little or no real responsibility.

Beyond the seeming rampant mismanagement, however, lay the disturbing case of the Frogg Family who were "relocated" to Westwood, never to be heard from again. Similar stories were told of Bob Troll, Chef Brockett, and Bob Dog who disappeared under similar mysterious circumstances and were effectively expunged from the Neighborhood records.

In 1983, based on faulty intelligence, the King nearly went to war with the bordering neighborhood of Southwood. The King's Secretary of State Colin Powell made a dramatic appeal to the United Nations Security Council, presenting the NMB's evidence for war against Southwood. In the end, Lady Elaine Fairchild uncovered additional evidence that the parts in question were actually to be used as bridge building materials.

Today, rumors are circulating that King Friday XIII is on his deathbed and transfered the crown to his son in order to forestall a possible succession crisis.

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King Friday XIII with Commerce Minister Cornflake S. Pecially (Right) and unnamed Party aparatchik (center)

2 comments:

ADBFan said...

Brilliant!

headbang8 said...

Didn't we all know that there was somthing going on beneath the calm, comforting surface of Make-Believe?

And who was the stupid cat who used to meow her way through every senetence until she got to a noun?

That piece was so clever, I bet you were a Tam O'Shanter kid.

Oh, memories of a Pittsburgh childhood!