Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Eldery Greenfield Residents Begin Queuing in Bread Line

In the wake of months of nationwide financial troubles, elderly residents of Pittsburgh's Greenfield community have already staked out their place in front of the Greenfield Senior Center waiting for the inevitable breadlines.

"I was 14 when I last lined up for bread," says Elmer Boehm of Lydia Street. "Me and my Pappy stood in line for six hours for a crust of dry bread and a cup of soup. So, I'll be damned if some 60-something hooligan is going to take my spot."

Dolores Hoffmann of Greer Street offered similar sentiments:

"We all slept in one room, no lights, barely any heat and only a half an apple core to sustain all thirty-seven of us in our house. If Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac continue their downward spiral, I don't want to be stuck eating squirrel again."

The line of citizens awaiting free bread and soup to be doled out by the government in the hopes of alleviating the upcoming Depression now stretches half a city block. Several people have already begun to build permanent encampments. There have been rumors of several fights amongst the elderly.

Many in the economic community see the actions of these Greenfield residents to be a bit extreme according to Robert Waltz, professor of economics at Carnegie Mellon University.

"You see, back during the early days of the Great Depression, you had a corrupt Government, corporate kleptocracy, a failing banking system, large scale environmental degradation, and a stock market that was based on speculation. Today you have a situation that's totally different, I'm sure."

Still, many see the pre-emptive queuing as a smart move.

"I'm actually glad I'm out here," says Brian Klapchick, 23, of Loretta Street. "I mean, I've learned all the words to 'Brother Can You Spare a Dime'. And, I figure, it's not like the degree in English is getting me anywhere other than Starbucks anyway."


Fifth / Forbes said...

The lines outside of Indymac banks waiting for their money is just as depressing. That is a scene straight out of the runs on the banks in the 1930s. I wonder how well funded FDIC really is. I mean, is it just there to make everyone feel safe, or can it actually come through for people in a pinch?

Sherry said...

mason jars in the back yard. stock up on the jars. better'n banks methinks!

O said...

You get a better rate with old liquor bottles... or so I've been told.

I'm using my mason jars to preserve squirrel meat... you know... just in case.