Scenarios

By the time you finish reading this post, Mayor Bob O'Connor may be dead, so I will be brief.  I need one of those Wikipedia graphics about "current events may change rapidly". 

 

Here are some scenarios that could play out in the near future:

1. Luke Ravenstahl, as Council President, is sworn in as Mayor;
2. OK, a 2/3rds vote of City Council (once they return to session... which just happened as I was writing this post) could oust Luke as President of Council.  This would mean that 8 people could jockey for position as President of Council [I'm throwing out Twanda Carlisle from consideration here], and it could be anyone's game. 
3. Alternatively, Mr. Ravenstahl could decline (highly unlikely as he's been holding a vigil in the City County building, the papers have been prepared, and there's an emergency judge on standby).  This would also throw it back to Council, with 7 people jockeying for position.  
4. (3 a.) If they can't reach resolution amongst themselves (unlikely again), according to the City Home Rule Charter , they could conceivably throw open the nominations to pretty much anyone, including yours truly and Chuck Norris... assuming that Mr. Norris takes up residency in the City of Pittsburgh.
5. Assuming that 2-4 do not happen... and only people who bet everything on Green at the roulette table would assume that it's a possibility... we'd be left with a whole administration now in the hands of Mr. Ravenstahl, who may hire, fire, and otherwise reassign pretty much everyone.  

But again we should be focusing on the Mayor, so our best wishes, hopes, and prayers go out to Bob and his Family. 

This is not a Asian Mormon Ninja MetaBlog...yet

Just some random part-time pundit complaining that I have too much time on my hands.

OK, insinuating that I have too much time on my hands.

Of course, this is coming from a guy that had enough free time to search "angry", "drunk", and "bureaucrat", in that order.

Open up -- It's Clemenza!

SONNY (after letting him in): What?
CLEMENZA (entering): There's more news about your old man. The word is out on the street that he's already dead
SONNY: Watch your mouth -- what's the matter with you?
CLEMENZA (after being pushed up against the wall): Jesus Christ; take it easy -- take it easy.

Rumors are flying on Grant Street.

Rule #21

There's a story behind this rule, but it's one that I can't relay to my loyal readership (Hey Sue!).

With that:

Rule #21: If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you.

Smokestack Airline Chasing

Saw this article today in the Post-Gazette regarding an "exciting opportunity" for the Pittsburgh Region:

US Airways wants Pittsburgh, Charlotte and Phoenix to compete for a new $25 million flight operations center employing 400 to 600 people -- a project that would supplant operations currently spread between Pittsburgh and Phoenix...

US Airways, the product of a merger last year between the old US Airways and America West Airlines, wants a new, single-story building of 60,000-75,00 square feet, with 6 acres of land and room to expand, if needed. The building should be low profile and high security -- befitting its status as the nerve center of the airline, controlling all flights for US Airways aircraft worldwide. The airline also wants to know if "there are tax abatements or other incentives that would make one location preferable to another," including "reduced building and equipment costs" and "operating expenses."

Last fall, a union official briefed by the airline said there was a "90 percent" chance the center would end up in Phoenix, resulting in the closure of the Pittsburgh center, located at RIDC Park West near the airport, and hundreds of local job losses. US Airways already has eliminated more than 9,000 local jobs while struggling through two recent bankruptcies and a severe industry slump since 2001.

The only way I could be less optimistic about this "offer" is if it was sent to me in an email by a dethroned Nigerian prince.

It immediately smacked me of pre-1982 economic development policies which rewarded expansion and attraction with land, capital, cheap labor, and low taxes. Of course, this type of policy does nothing to tap into the intrinsic value of a region's quality or productivity, and basically bribes companies to stay.

So, the $64,000,000 question: should the Pittsburgh Region even bother and, if so, how much should it care? Answer: less than $64,000,000.

OK, seriously, how much do we really think it's worth trying to lure a company that (1) already screwed us royally by wiping out a couple thousand jobs and (2) may be bankrupt at any moment anyway?

Assuming that the office is fully staffed at 600 people, and they're all making around $45,000 a year (a good median number), the tax revenues to the State and the Municipality should yield a net present value tax revenue of around $1.2 Million over 10 years... if I remember my math right. That, of course doesn't take into consideration the multiplier benefits of any new construction labor or the increase of property tax revenue. UPDATE: The ADB's ability to do simple math gets pwn'd by some guy at UCSUR; see comments for details.

But even with all the nebulous multiplier effects and unknown projected benefits that may accrue, here's my policy recommendation: 3 consultants, 2 days, and one nifty Power Point presentation. Total cost: $3,000.

...$3,040 if they agree to my demands for a bottle of bourbon.

A Successful Pittsburgh?

I hope this post doesn't brim over with verbal, dramatic, or Socratic irony, as it addresses a very serious issue... well, at least serious to me... and the overwhelming number of rhetorical questions I think that it may generate will probably do more harm than good. If it means anything to anyone, I will try to avoid claiming that Justice is the advantage of the stronger, and focus on a more practical question.

So, to cut to the chase, the question is this: what would constitute a "successful" Pittsburgh? The obvious question that precedes this very important question is this: "what do we mean by 'successful'"? *

This seems to be a very important series of questions, as there are several places out on the internet that seem to be very interested in the answers. What's more, there are a whole bunch of people out there that are professionally interested in what the answers are. And, there are a lot of answers.

My personal trinity of "success" involves jobs, low crime, and high quality of living. While these simple "measures of success" seem self-evident, I don't believe that they are nearly as simple as what they first appear to be. "Jobs" doesn't mean just "Jobs," of course, but "well paying, sustainable jobs." "Low crime" also would mean "the appearance of low crime; " "high quality of living" does not preclude high taxes or urban sprawl.

Of course, it's more than just jobs, crime, and quality of life; there are high school graduation rates, R&D transfer, number of children born into poverty, immigration, air & water quality, etc., etc. To try to put that myriad of data points into some sort of metric would be a hell of a task. Indeed, you could have a result were jobs went down, while environmental quality went up (post-steel Pittsburgh would be a good example); this doesn't necessarily mean that the City/Region was more "successful."

Politicians, of course, focus on "jobs" because it's something easily measurable and something that the electorate directly benefits from. Jobs lead to increased tax revenues, which lead to more opportunity for more programs. (Of course the other model says that an increase of public investment leads to an increase of the tax base, which leads to a lower tax rate and therefore more productive capital.) Anyway, jobs seem to be the easiest way to measure the level of success and one that people most often focus on.

But does this tell the whole story? I personally don't think so, as easy as it may be to measure. There may be a whole mess o' other metrics out there that more accurately measure what "success" entails.

Of course, therein lies the problem: how do we decide when we are "successful?"

Baring words like "synergy," "empowerment," "actualization of localized potentiality," and other buzzword bullshit, I'm open to suggestions.

Who knows? I might be the gal that sets policy on these kinds of things.

---
* I will avoid the question as to what constitutes "Pittsburgh."

Mayor O'Connor: Great Mayor or Greatest Ever?

I got to thinking this morning during my Sunday morning bus ride (somebody has to keep PAT in business during the weekends), and it occurred to me that Bob O'Connor could be the greatest, most politically savvy mayor of the City of Pittsburgh, ever... and yes, I'm including David Lawrence, William MaGee, AND Ebenezer Denny in that list. Bob's a heavy hitter here.

Consider the following: in the recent past, Americans have found themselves bound together through crisis and adversity. The recent example of this are the events of September 11, 2001, which, for one brief shining moment, all differences in the country were blurred away. The President used this incident to push the country into one war, and then another; a successful political ploy.

Now, Pittsburghers, as a more concentrated community would feel this sense of "oneness" more acutely. Indeed, anyone who partied in the Southside, Lawrenceville, Bloomfield, Oakland, Squirrel Hill, Shadyside, etc. etc. the night of the XL Superbowl will testify to this. On that day, we were all Steeler fans... unless you were a Seattle fan, in which case we spit on you.

OK, now consider the following: the City Firefighters sold out of all the Bob O'Connor wristbands in a matter of hours, two banners are full of get well wishes to Bob, and the day that Bob was admitted to the hospital, the local network news covered it intensely. Truly, the outpouring of support was and has been immense.

BUT! Other than the "Redd Up" Campaign, I can't think of a single Bob policy that... actually, I can't think of ANY policies. I can't think of anything that has significantly changed for the better since January. What's more, I can't think of ANY bad news that has come out of City Hall (aside the 9th Council District fiasco) recently. In fact, the Bob O'Connor illness has actually cajoled a "get well wish" from the Trib.

If that had been Tom Murphy, the Scaife rag would have pushed assisted suicide.

Anyway, this is why I think that O'Connor may be the most brilliant Mayor the City of Pittsburgh has ever had: O'Connor's illness has distracted the citizenry from the crap that is whirling around our heads. Such strategic distraction is something I would have expected from a Karl Rove, but never from a local politician. What's more, the electorate is 100% behind Bob, but I doubt they could tell you what Bob has actually done for them. The result: re-election. Bob is clearly a mastermind of local Democratic machine politics!



Alternatively, Bob is still really, really sick and deserves our best wishes and hopes that he gets well soon.

My Very Excellent Mother Just Sent Us Nothing

While this blog seemingly confines itself to local and national politics, we would be amiss if we did not at least tangentially address the swirling extraterrestrial conflict that has recently erupted... and I'm not talking about the pre-emptive invasion of the Cardassian Homeworld by the Klingon Empire in order to supposedly stop the spread of intergalactic terrorism, er, The Dominion.  

No, I'm talking about the elimination of an entire planet from our solar system, Pluto, by the nerds over at the International Astronomical Union.  Well, when I say "elimination" I don't mean as in "as if a million of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and then, suddenly, silence;" surely the IAU is only equipped with the most basic of blaster technology.  My guess is that these guys are unable to defend themselves against the common wedgie, noogie, or swirly given to them by the jocks at the NCAA. 

The elimination came, and I am of mixed feelings about this, from Astro-Bureaucrats who demoted poor Pluto to a "Dwarf Planet", unable to "clear its neighborhood".  This will not look good on Pluto's resume.  

A couple of thoughts: 

(1) Pluto is said to be the ruling planet of Scorpio, and is considered to represent the part of a person that destroys in order to renew.*  So how, exactly, will this elimination affect my horoscope?  Today, my horoscope said " You will face challenges and you'll be inclined to overreact a little. Stay calm and take what is said with a pinch of salt, because it will blow over just as quickly. "  Where does that leave me now?  Should I continue to remain calm or should I spaz out?  Will this still blow over or will it linger?   Shouldn't I just go back to bed, shivering like a little girl, unable to face the terror that awaits me in the world?  SOMEBODY!  I NEED DIRECTION FROM THE ARBITRARY POSITION AND ORBIT OF THE PLANETS!!!  Or perhaps a valium. 

 

(2) With Pluto out, how does this effect Goofy?  Does this mean Goofy is no longer able to speak and has to live in the dog house?  They can't be Sirius! 

 

(3) This is obviously the best proof for the fallacy of so-called "science".  How can we believe scientists when one day they tell us that there are 9 planets, and the next day there are 8?  Before you know it, they'll be telling us that the universe was created by the attraction of two extra-dimensional branes, causing ruptures in the fabric of space/time.  Total lunacy! 

 

And if scientists can do something simple like "count", how can we trust them to tell us that humanity was descended from monkey instead of created ex nilho by God? God's always been absolutely sure about this, except for the part where He said that he made us out of clay.  But, in any event, this is truly the final nail in the coffin for "science" and "evolution," and will we will finally be able to purge this tool of the devil from our classrooms!

 

(4) Thankfully, they didn't eliminate Uranus.

 

(5) Dang, I thought I could make it through this post without a "Uranus" joke. 

 

So, remember: when you wish upon a star... it may just be a trans-neptunian dwarf planet.  If it is, please call it "Rupert". 

---
* The Urban Redevelopment Authority of Pittsburgh is a Scorpio.

Jonathan Swift-boated

One of the following links is satire by yours truly, one is an editorial from the Wall Street Journal:

Link One

Link Two

Try to guess which is which.

Mr. Brooks, expect a call from my Angry Drunk Lawyer.

The Dark Side Catches Another One

A big congratulations to my old friend "K", who has decided, after too many grueling years in the private sector, to make the impetuous leap into the bowels of Bureaucracy, by becoming a full time employee of The Man.

So, in case you are reading this "K", here are some tidbits of wisdom that I have accumulated (over and above the jewels to your left there):

(1) Like any organization, the Government has it's share of political and personal problems that are more difficult to deal with that the actual technical problems. It has always seemed like the Government has attracted more of these defective people, although that's probably just an illusion.

(2) Everyone will want to talk about their GS Schedule. Avoid people that want to talk about how close they are to the next step.

(3) Remember, you are there to do the Public Good and do good by the public.

(4) Avoid the doughnuts. They are bad for you and will turn your shapely physique into a pudding-like consistency.

(5) Remember, when a politician lambastes "those bureaucrats in Washington", that's you now.

(6) Someone (probably your boss) will always be petrified about doing something that will jeopardize their political career, but not so much that they are doing something wrong.

(7) Learn to file.

(8) If you can't learn to file, develop total recall.

(9) The Country is run on a C+ Average.

(10) You're The Man now, Dog.

(11) Never tell all of your secrets at once.

So Mr. K, I hope that you make it through your 103 weeks of training. If so, you are well on your way to a lifetime of grey suits and a peptic ulcer... maybe a good retirement.