Monday, August 21, 2006

The Dark Side Catches Another One

A big congratulations to my old friend "K", who has decided, after too many grueling years in the private sector, to make the impetuous leap into the bowels of Bureaucracy, by becoming a full time employee of The Man.

So, in case you are reading this "K", here are some tidbits of wisdom that I have accumulated (over and above the jewels to your left there):

(1) Like any organization, the Government has it's share of political and personal problems that are more difficult to deal with that the actual technical problems. It has always seemed like the Government has attracted more of these defective people, although that's probably just an illusion.

(2) Everyone will want to talk about their GS Schedule. Avoid people that want to talk about how close they are to the next step.

(3) Remember, you are there to do the Public Good and do good by the public.

(4) Avoid the doughnuts. They are bad for you and will turn your shapely physique into a pudding-like consistency.

(5) Remember, when a politician lambastes "those bureaucrats in Washington", that's you now.

(6) Someone (probably your boss) will always be petrified about doing something that will jeopardize their political career, but not so much that they are doing something wrong.

(7) Learn to file.

(8) If you can't learn to file, develop total recall.

(9) The Country is run on a C+ Average.

(10) You're The Man now, Dog.

(11) Never tell all of your secrets at once.

So Mr. K, I hope that you make it through your 103 weeks of training. If so, you are well on your way to a lifetime of grey suits and a peptic ulcer... maybe a good retirement.

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