Where's Luke Ravenstahl?

Found Him!

Can you?

Troops Capture Baradur

Mullah Sauron struck down in air strike by Eagles

Isildur brought down in roadside attack

Location of One Ring still unknown

BREAKING NEWS: Luke Ravenstahl Holed up in Snow Fort

ADB has received word that the Mayor, who has not been seen in several days, is reportedly holed up in a snow fort in his brother's Northside backyard. The Mayor, according to sources, has refused to come out until he is plied with hot chocolate and new mittens.

City Council had demanded that the missing Mayor appear on Grant Street to officially validate an Emergency Declaration in light of the ongoing snow debacle. The Mayor's Office has insisted that the Public Safety Director's signature was more than official, and has hinted that the Council was just trying to tease Mr. Ravenstahl out from his hiding place.

Bill Peduto's cries of "Olly-Olly-Oxen-Free!" were also insufficient to locate the Mayor.

A tip, however, has indicated that the Mayor is, in fact, in his brother's backyard, assembling snowballs for what he perceives is "an ambush" from Councilman Doug Sheilds.

The Mayor is living with his brother during a totally non-suspicious public separation from his wife.

Rumors that the Mayor has specifically ordered streets around his brother's house to remain unplowed could not be corroborated.

Last week the mayor took criticism for being in the Laurel Highlands celebrating his birthday, while the city was hit with a near-record snowstorm. He had also previously received criticism for flying with Penguins co-owner Ron Burkle to New York (and subsequently sleeping in the airport), rather than meet with Hill District residents over neighborhood development plans.

More details tomorrow in ADB+

A Bureaucrat's Aside Re: Snow Budgeting

For those of you that are into this kind of thing, the 2010 City of Pittsburgh budget for road salt is $559,640, down $400,000 from last year.

I wonder how much of that is already spent. Or, alternatively, I wonder if this is part of the reason I haven't seen a damned salt truck on my street yet!

A Bureaucrat's Aside Re: XLIII + 6-8 in.

You know, I hadn't really thought about it as I was busy digging myself out from what seemed like a metric ton of snow, but if the Steelers had won the Superbowl this year instead of last, we would have had a massive street party on Sunday and a victory parade sometime this week.

Consider the implications of that random thought for a minute as you shovel your driveway.

Special Weather Commentary from the Caretaker of the Overlook Hotel

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Local Blogger Unable to Blog his Way Out of Snow

Local Blogger "Fruster" was found today by acquaintances after three days without power, phone service, or internet. He is reported to be in good health, and it resting comfortably after a meal of chinese food and pizza.

"Fruster," whose real name is Ken Rice, had not been heard from by his twitter followers, Facebook fans, or blog commentators for three days during the on-going snow event. According to his Twitter feed, the last thing he "tweeted" was "OK, snow's coming down now."

"I figured I'd be able to blog my way through the storm, giving updates on my cat 'Mittens' and rail against the poor snow plowing on my street," said Mr. Rice from his home futon, "but my phone died at about 1 AM Saturday morning, and the power and phone lines went down shortly thereafter. I was literally trapped in my house, with my own thoughts, unable to share my observation of mindless minutiae with the world."

After several days of waiting and with no communication, his "friends" decided to take action. They found Mr. Rice at his home, curled up under a blanket with an old Smith Corona typewriter, trying to figure out how to hit "send."

"He'll be OK, we think," said blog guest contributor Andrew Davidson, "We took him down to Starbucks for the WiFi, and he'll be back up and posting in no time. Maybe next time [Fruster] should blog himself up a shovel."

An Apology

You know, I'd like to blame the Mayor, or the County Executive, or somebody for the ongoing Snowpocalypse (or Snowmageddon if you prefer), but I have to admit that it's my bad. I didn't realize that this blog had the power to influence the weather.

Sorry 'bout that.

A Bureaucrat's Aside Re: Snow Closings

Please note that this blog is running on a 2 hr delay, with no morning kindergarten.

Readers are advised to slow down and take care when reading posts.

Local Man Actually Does Need "Supplies"

When Scott Cznewski of Mt. Lebanon heard about the incoming winter storm, he didn't immediately rush out to buy toilet paper, milk, and bread. Like the nearly dozens of rational residents in the region, he decided that he can wait out the nearly eight hours of inconvenience. Mr. Cznewski, however, was in for a shock: he was out of toilet paper.

"It didn't hit me until after the fourth Taco Bell burrito. There I was dropping the kids off at the pool, reading a back issue of 'Entertainment Weekly', when I realized I was down to my last two feet of TP. I knew that if I didn't act fast, I would be using old gym socks to 'do clean-up duty,' if you know what I mean."

Mr. Cznewski's troubles, however, were just about to begin. The Giant Eagle on Cochrane Road was already packed with people picking up "essentials" for the coming winter storm. Shoppers loaded their carts with milk, eggs, bread, fruit, diapers, toilet paper, cigarettes, and other miscellaneous sundries necessary to survive 12 inches of snow. Shelves were picked nearly clean, with only such items as "canned bread" and "pickled giblets" available for last minute, panicked shoppers.

One of those panicked shoppers, Elsie Greenblatt said that she literally feared that she and her family would not make it to Monday.

"My children drink about a gallon of milk a week, but I know that as soon as the first flake drops, they're going to drink it all. That's why I'm buying 17 gallons, just in case. Plus my husband Saul really likes those pizza roll things, so I'm buying a palette of them in case we're snowed in until June."

Thousands of people like Ms. Greenblatt had already taken the toilet paper, desperately needed by Mr. Czenewski, leaving him with few options.

Dr. Don Jones, a researcher at Carnegie Mellon University's Center for Weather and Psychology say that this type of hording is an irrational response to media frenzy.

"We believe that we, as a society, are unprepared for these types of events that we completely lose sight of how ridiculous this level of panicking is. Most U.S. homes are well stocked or overly stocked with essentials and, given today's levels of public service, the blizzard that once killed hundreds is now reduced to a slow commute come Monday Morning."

Dr. Jones was unavailable for further comment as he was "down to his last case of turkey gravy."

For Mr. Cznewski, however, there is a happy ending.

"Despite all I had to go through, I did finally get what I needed. I also learned that People Magazine is more soft and absorbent than Teen People."