Tuesday, February 16, 2010

BREAKING NEWS: Luke Ravenstahl Holed up in Snow Fort

ADB has received word that the Mayor, who has not been seen in several days, is reportedly holed up in a snow fort in his brother's Northside backyard. The Mayor, according to sources, has refused to come out until he is plied with hot chocolate and new mittens.

City Council had demanded that the missing Mayor appear on Grant Street to officially validate an Emergency Declaration in light of the ongoing snow debacle. The Mayor's Office has insisted that the Public Safety Director's signature was more than official, and has hinted that the Council was just trying to tease Mr. Ravenstahl out from his hiding place.

Bill Peduto's cries of "Olly-Olly-Oxen-Free!" were also insufficient to locate the Mayor.

A tip, however, has indicated that the Mayor is, in fact, in his brother's backyard, assembling snowballs for what he perceives is "an ambush" from Councilman Doug Sheilds.

The Mayor is living with his brother during a totally non-suspicious public separation from his wife.

Rumors that the Mayor has specifically ordered streets around his brother's house to remain unplowed could not be corroborated.

Last week the mayor took criticism for being in the Laurel Highlands celebrating his birthday, while the city was hit with a near-record snowstorm. He had also previously received criticism for flying with Penguins co-owner Ron Burkle to New York (and subsequently sleeping in the airport), rather than meet with Hill District residents over neighborhood development plans.

More details tomorrow in ADB+

1 comment:

Cialis Online said...

It is an interesting story, been drunk is some how funny when the anger is not affecting you.