Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Swann Song

Allow me to add my voice to those that are unimpressed by Lynn Swann's candidacy for Governor.  [Yawn]
Swann's credentials are as follows: Inductee into the Pro-Football Hall of Fame, which, to be fair, reads better than Bill Scranton's credentials.  Sure he was Lt. Governor, but how many receptions did he make? 
But on the other hand, Swann's candidacy kinda pisses me off...
Jesse Ventura
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Fred Thompson
Sony Bono
Ronald Reagan
That Dude from "Love Boat"... I think that we should just make it obligatory that you have to first be famous to run for anything. 
City Councilman? Not a chance.
Political Scientist?  No thank you.
Bureaucrat?  Fuck off!
Movie Star?  Congratulations Congressman!
Think of the millions of dollars campaigns could save in advertising alone!  No need anymore to "get your name out there."  Now all you need is some 8mm, a shitty soundtrack, and some Indie Director willing to let you expose a nipple on camera and you are a CANDIDATE, BABY!  No boring positions, no platforms, no issues, or ideas... just a good face or name, and probably some weird sex tape.
While we're at it, why don't we just write it into the frickin' Constitution?
Article 28: No candidate for elected office may serve if he has a Q-Rating of less than 5 or has appeared on E! less than 25 times. 
On the plus side, however, this would allow me to capitalize on my, well documented, tawdry escapades with Tara Reid.   I hope to pull at least 336 E!-lectorial votes. 

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