Open Letter to Client #430

Dear Client #430,

Since I began working on your project four years ago, I have noticed a wellspring of antipathy bubbling up from inside of me. At first I believed that this was merely a kneejerk reaction to this assignment, which I judged to be risky, but not imprudent. As the months went on, however, I began to realize that the problem that I had initially, if impulsively, identified was not the project, but you.

Yes, you. And I'm tired of you.

I am tired of you calling me, asking for documents that do not exist and complaining to my superiors that I have not gotten you what you need.

I am tired of you not knowing what you "need" in the first place.

I am tired of you going over my head, my superiors' heads, and their superiors' heads in order to get your petty demands met.

I am tired of you claiming that you have accomplished "all this work" when in reality you have accomplished nothing of importance.

I am tired of you calling me again, asking for documents that still do not exist, and complaining to my superiors again that I have still not gotten you what you need.

I am tired of your ignorance, your sociopathy, and your manic mood swings.

I am tired of you berating me for "lying to you," even though I have not.

I am tired of you berating my employees as being "unqualified".

I am tired of you berating my age, sex, and gender.

I am tired of you berating me and The Bureaucracy in public meetings.

I am tired of your complaining about the pace of your project, even though you do not have the resources to accomplish it yourself.

I am tired of you bringing new and exciting ways to screw up your own project and allowing me to migitgate the disasters that you do not even know that you have occured.

I am tired of you going to the media about every perceived slight, real or imagined.

I am tired of the way that you so readily subsititute reality for your own personal delusions.

I am tired of your blissful ignorance of my other clients' projects and their position in the queue ahead of your project.

I am tired of the work that we've had to do to train you and the offhanded way that you've dismissed us.

I am tired of your claims that the city/county/state is out to get you and that councilperson/mayor/representative will get back at me.

I am tired of the long rambling phone calls in which you say nothing or ask incoherrant questions.

I am tired of explaining what's really going on to mystified third parties that you have engaged.

I am tired of your stupidity.

I am tired of your persecution complex.

I am tired of your expectation of me to drop whatever I'm doing and attend to your "crisis" of the moment.

I am tired of the councilpersons/mayors/representatives that call me and my superiors on your behalf to complain, but only so that they can tell you that they "talked to us."

I am tired of you calling me for the third time, demanding documents that still do not exist and will not exist in the immediate future, and complaining to my superiors again that I have still not gotten you what you need.

But mostly, I'm tired of you, your project, and this lingering air of professionality that I have been able to maintain until this point, as you blindly slash and burn all the bridges you have crossed. You do not realize this, but out of all the people in, not only The Bureaucracy, but The City as well, I am the only one who has continued to work with you. You are damned lucky I even consider returning your phone calls.

From now on, you will act in a more respectful way and show me and my coworkers the professional courtsey that we deserve as public servants. If you do not, you will find your self abandoned and alone with your project filed neatly within the bowels of my shredder.

But most of all: go fuck yourself.

Sincerely,

"O"