The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Murphy's Law

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Murphy's Law

OK, I don't have much to say about the non-indictment of former Mayor Murphy.

No, wait, I have a couple things:

(1) I'm sure Mary Beth Buchanan did her due diligence, but there are plenty of things that she could still investigate. For example, during Murphy's tenure Pittsburgh's population declined 10%. Coincidence? I think not. What did Murphy know about this and where did he hide these people? Has anyone checked the foundations of Heinz Field?

(2) Now, Council wants to get in on the pig pile. I wouldn't call this a case of the fox guarding the henhouse... more like foxes trying to close the coop after the chickens have come home to roost. What does this mixed metaphor mean? Two words: incompetent foxes.

(3) I'm sure that Joe King, the head of the fire fighter's union, is completely sincere about his desire to reform City Council, working in the best interest of the City of Pittsburgh, and is not just trying to squeeze the last drop of cash out of a bankrupt City for the personal benefit of his union by reducing the number of Act 47 proponents on Council. Surely, the absence of a Murphy indictment is testament to this sincerity to advance the public good. Surely.

(4) Murphy has a long way to go before he reaches the corruption and musical styling levels of former mayor of Providence, RI, "Buddy" Cianci.

Bah! I'm going back to the Cyril Wecht case... at least there are corpses.

The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat

Pages

About Me

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet...

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Murphy's Law

No comments:

Recorded in the Office of the Prothonotary

Public Comment Period

Other Blogs

Other Public Servants

Adjourned sine die

The Filing Cabinet