Monday, March 12, 2007

BREAKING NEWS: Moses Invests in Penguins

Jewish prophet promises "arena flowing with Milk and Honey" following 40 years of wandering through last place.

More Details Inside:

  • Five players die as new owner parts training rink (Page 2);
  • All Friday night/Saturday games cancelled (Page 4);
  • Ten new rules of conduct issued; back checking to be punished with "stoning" (Page 7);
  • Minor arboreal fire reported at Crawford Street and Wylie Avenue (Page 10);
  • Local Blogger carries running gag to groan inducing, predictable and ludicrous conclusions (Page 1138).

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