Sunday, March 18, 2007

Kiss me, I'm vomitting in Market Square

I don't really like partying with amateur drunks, even those that claim a Hibernian legacy, but, as it was chilly enough outside to forgo the necessity of a beer cooler, I and a contingency of the ADB posse* made our way down to the St. Patrick's Day celebration downtown yesterday. Needless to say, we received our fill of obnoxiously drunk frat guys and totally trashed sorority chicks. This is why I drink alone, at home, in the dark.

They announced repeatedly that Pittsburgh's St. Patrick's Day party is the second largest in the country, behind New York City; our own yinzer Mardi Gras. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your view on the subject, it was too cold for anyone to flash people for a set of beads. Alright, I did flash Doug Shields, but that was just to stop him from talking.

Anywho, as my wardrobe is limited in "green" articles of clothing, I decided to go as James Joyce, a costume which was apparently lost on all the people that were puking on my shoes. Next year, I'll go as Oscar Wilde... which, by the way, is a fabulous costume.

Which brings me to my main point: as has been mentioned before, a movement has been underway for some time to redesign Market Square to provide for more "functionality" of the public space. That's find and all, but perhaps, like parking lots around Christmas, the City should look at how the space is being used at the busiest days of the year. For example:

  • Increase gutter sizes so that vomit, garbage, and drunks can be flushed out into the sewage system;
  • Install an air horn/sprinkler system to disburse rowdy crowds;
  • Remove anything that can be urinated on;
  • Create a parallel Detox Square equipped with coffee houses, gatorade houses, and Advil & B Vitamin House.
Well, that's just my thoughts anyway. Now if only these Green Elephants would stop pestering me.

* T-Shirts available.

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