U.S. Senate Launches MacGuffin Inquiry

Washington D.C. (AP) - Flanked by Senate colleagues of both parties, Senate Foreign Relations Chair Joe Biden (D-DE) announced a special inquiry into the Bush Administration's use of MacGuffins in US international policy.

"It is time that the American people are made aware of the Bush MacGuffin policy: the use of MacGuffins at any time, any where for soley political interests. Not since the Vietnam War have we seen such a brazen display of executive arrogance in this regard."

Speaking from the Old Senate Chambers in the basement of the Capitol, Biden lobbed harsh criticisms at a White House which had previously denied any MacGuffin usage.

Biden was joined at the podium by Indiana Senator Dick Lugar (R), who had previously, albeit privately, chastised the President for his MacGuffin usage. Speaking openly for the first time, Sen Lugar repeated his criticism of the administration:

"Mr. President, since launching the invasion of Iraq, you have repeatedly told the American people that you know where the MacGuffins are or that the MacGuffins will justify your actions. But it's time to face the facts: there are no MacGuffins, there were no MacGuffins, there will be no MacGuffins."

Democrats were much harsher in their critique, charging that the Bush MacGuffin policy has infiltrated not only international, but also domestic, policies. The Committee report, due out tomorrow, will document the role of Senior Political Advisor as "MacGuffin Czar," who has used his position within the White House to create MacGuffins in order to advance a political agenda.

White House Spokesman Tony Snow denied the charges saying that MacGuffins have never been created by the administration, adding that "the MacGuffins out there are real and should be taken seriously by the American people."

North Korea has long been at the top of the United Nationtions Commission on MacGuffins' (UNCOM) list of MacGuffin producing states, however, since September 11, 2001 the US has surreptitiously doubled MacGuffin production under the PATRIOT Act. Some critics of US foreign policy even go so far as to say that a US backed MacGuffin was involved in the events during and/or following 9/11.

According to Senator Biden, this administration has "be the worst abuser of MacGuffins since the Great Spanish-American War MacGuffin... and the most blatant user of MacGuffins since the Falkland Islands war."

The Senate Foreign Relations Committee will begin issuing subpoenas shortly, with the expectation of holding formal hearings before the August recess.