Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Mayor asks for Resignation from Himself

Just over a month after he fired 11 high level City administrators, three days after firing all of the City's Middle Management, and hours after expelling all of the City's Residents, Mayor Luke Ravenstahl today asked for a resignation letter from himself as part of his ongoing mission to "move Pittsburgh forward."

In a statement, the mayor said he was "not satisfied with the condition of city government" and will conduct a nationwide search for the best candidate to run the City as Mayor.

He asked for a resignation letter from himself at an early morning working breakfast and asked that he continue to serve the city in an acting capacity. He encouraged himself to reapply for his position "in order to prove he is the best person for the job." Also fired was the entire staff of the Mayor's office, including Chief of Staff Yarone Zober.

The move came as a surprise to those in City government, still reeling from the mass firings of June 15th, but not unexpected to those that are closest to him.

A Mayor's Office employee, who wished to remain anonymous, told this blog that the Mayor, who has not been seen in public since June 30th, had been acting unusual over the last few weeks.

"At first it was the bathrobe. That wasn't too unusual as he had been putting in some long nights with Jim Motznik working on this Cat Licensing bill. But when that started to collapse, he started to act a bit peculiar."

Other anonymous sources say that the Mayor had begun to wear tissue boxes on his feet, had grown out his fingernails, was collecting his own urine in water bottles in his office, and had started to call everyone "Admiral".

Grant Street observers have also detected what can only be described as paranoia, delusions of grandeur, and Napoleonic Complexes coming out of the Mayors office. Rumors swirled in February when it was alleged that Mr. Ravenstahl forced out his press secretary Dick Skrinjar after Mr. Skrinjar refused to worship him as "Zeus on Earth."

Mr. Skrinjar refused to comment on the matter.

The Mayor would not comment on whether the Mayor had agreed to offer his resignation to himself or whether the Mayor would accept it. He said he may use a professional head-hunting firm to find candidates for the position.

The Mayor has until November to fill his own office.


Specs said...

The entire series can stand on the last line alone. Very well executed. Hats off to you.

EdHeath said...

Ahh, the low hanging fruit. Kudos to you for grabbing it.


Sherry said...

i loved these.

Anonymous said...

Ah, our prayers have been answered!

Anonymous said...

Ah, our prayers have been answered!