Monday, September 17, 2007

Mike Tomlin Announces Candidacy for Mayor

Fresh off a division leading 2-0 start, Steelers Head Coach Mike Tomlin announced today his intention to run for Mayor of Pittsburgh. Flanked by Steelers President Dan Rooney and buoyed by recent polls which put his approval rating at nearly 93%, Tomlin said that he was "disappointed" at the direction the City has taken and vowed to use his candidacy to put Pittsburgh on the right track.

Tomlin said he intended to run as an independent in the upcoming election, but privately joked that that he would run on the "Black & Gold Party" ticket. While the Democratic Party has traditionally held the reigns of power in the City, Steelers Fans outnumber Democrats almost 3:1.

"I truly think that my candidacy reflects what is best about Pittsburgh, and, as Mayor, I would take each day one day at a time, but we need to step up and bring our A-game."

Mr. Rooney was asked if Tomlin's candidacy would effect his coaching abilities.

"Yes, well, it would be inappropriate for a head coach to actively campaign for mayor during the football season, so I have asked Mike to submit his resignation to me effective Friday."

Tomlin will remain as "acting" head coach until a national search is completed for a qualified replacement, or for 90 days.

Duquesne Law Professor and Political Analyst Joseph Sabino Mistick called the announcement "a challenge to the powers that be."

"What you see here," continued Mistick, "is a young, smart coach who can use his leadership skills and bring it to a new level."

The announcement was denounced by both major candidates.

Republican candidate Mark DeSantis called the Tomlin Candidacy "a stunt" and a "deliberate ploy by the Rooneys to influence the development of the North Shore Casino."

Mayor Chief of Staff Yarone Zober called it "a ploy to sway strong base of potential voters" as he emerged from a closed door meeting with Fire Fighters President Joe King.

Mayoral Spokesperson Joanna Doven remarked that Tomlin lacked experience and that Mr. Ravenstahl had been a football kicker in college.

Also, on an unrelated note, Ms. Doven announced that Troy Polamalu had been appointed Chief of Building Inspection.


Mark Rauterkus said...

Four mayor candidates exist other than Mike.

O said...

Did I forget Zeppo or Shemp, Mark?