Dear Residents of Versailles, PA:
It is with heartfelt sympathy that I hearby apologize for the release of toxic gas in your tiny community. In retrospect, the bean & cauliflower chili was not as good of an idea as it first sounded.
I also apologize for blaming the dog when the leak was first reported and further apologize for using the "he who smelt it, dealt it" excuse when pressed.
You will be happy to know that I am now on a healthy regime of Beano and cheese, and hope to make a full recovery soon. In future, I intend to limit my "crop dusting" activities to Newark N.J., where it won't be noticed.
Until then, I would like to offer you a scented candle and three bottles of air freshener to make this ordeal a bit more bearable.
Sincerely,
-O
The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat
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