SCHIP on my Shoulder

Now that the brouhaha has passed, I can now say without fear of retribution, that I support the President's decision to veto the proposed legislation to extend health care benefits to millions of children.

I don't support his reasons for vetoing it. It seems a bit silly for a man who's spent bazillions of dollars in Iraq to complain about this nickel and dime crap. As the saying goes: penny wise, pound foolish... or in this case, merely, "foolish".

No, I support the veto of this bill for the simple reason that there are just too many damned kids, period. We need a good sickness to wipe a whole bunch of them out.

Everywhere I go nowadays, there are little 10 year old hoodlums with their skateboards and their rap music and their Pokemans, just hanging out looking for trouble. Just the other day I had to scare a horde of them off my damned lawn after they "accidentally" lost their ball in my yard.

You'd better believe that I kept that ball and put it with my collection of other various teenage paraphernalia that has landed in my yard or in my roof. Nasty little hell spawn are going to get what's coming to them one day. I'm sure the better parts of their personalities ended up on their parents' bed sheets.

Frankly, these kids are far too strong. A nice gap in medical coverage will be able to thin out the herd a bit. We need to think about the benefits of cholera, TB, and polio: shorter lines at the amusement parks, lower school taxes, and more dirty words on prime time television.

Of course, with the herd thinned, a new stronger breed of super children will emerge... which we can quickly put to work in our coal mines, cotton spinning factories, and hocking vegetables in the markets, where they belong.

Now, I can just hear the whiners say, "but the children are our future." These whiners are wrong; children are not our future, the elderly are. Have you ever known anyone in your life to grow younger? Indeed, we are plummeting headlong into old age, not youth. The Old are our future, even the children.

So, that's why I believe that children should not be given any free medical care at all. Annoying little brats don't deserve it.

Of course, none of this applies to my precious little snowflakes Kaitlyn and Cody. Any of you bastards say anything bad about our country's first astronaut/supermodel and President/Hall of Famer, I'll kick your head in.

That goes for your sugar addled, crotch fruit as well.