2007 General Election Results: Winner Triumph Over Loser

The AP is currently reporting that across America tonight, Winners are besting Losers in elections across the country. In most races, Winners are pulling in well over 50% of the vote, except in some races where they are pull a mere plurality.

The Winners fended off challenges from Losers to fill in elected positions from school board to State Governors. No Loser has managed to win a race since the Hays/Tilden election in the late 19th Century.

The Winners suffered several set backs and missteps throughout their campaigns, but managed to bounce back. Their proposals and policies, combined with their political heritage and track record, made the difference in what had been a hard fought race.

Winners assembled at jubilant celebrations where speeches were made congratulating themselves and thanking their Loser opponents. Several other news reports indicate that balloons and confetti were dropped and the Fleetwood Mac song "Don't Stop Believing" was played.

"We are happy that the constituency has chosen to embrace our vision and we hope, with your help, to move us forward," said the Winners.

At the Losers headquarters, the Losers thanked their opponents for a good race and challenged the newly elected "to work in the best interests of the constituents."

Winners will serve their respective terms until the next election, when it is expected that Losers will again mount a challenge to their office.