The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: $53,402.50 per win (so far)

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Thursday, November 29, 2007

$53,402.50 per win (so far)

So, according to official reports, JoePa

was paid $427,220 in the first 10 months of 2007-- putting his year-end salary on track to exceed $500,000. He was paid $490,638 last year, according to the retirement system.

Now that's a good government job for you.

For comparison purposes the President of the United States makes $400,000, which is fair considering that Joe's record vs. the current administration is pretty good. If G.W.B. had the same record, we would still be losing in Iraq, but we would have won in Afghanistan, Iran, and probably France.

Joe also knows when to punt.

Penn State fans by comparison, however, are far more sensible but equally rabid as the GOP. They are also snazzier dressers.

Penn State has also never bugged Pitt's offices without a warrant.

So, in sum: Joe Paterno should probably be president. Couldn't be any worse.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...: Yes it could be worse, Kerry could be President.; 7:48 AM
Rogers Place said...: No Joe is broke. On his measly $500,000 a year salary he has reported to have donated well over $4 million dollars. So his $50,000 per win = $0.00; 12:18 AM
Felix Dzerzhinsky said...: JoePa is not a state employee, actually, since PSU is a "state-related" university like Pitt and Temple, not actually owned by the Commonwealth like Slippery Rock, et. al. But say what you want about Pitt, we've at least always known what the administrators' salaries are, because those get published in the IRS 990 forms. For some reason, PSU is exempt from filing these forms, even though they are a 501(c)(3) and not a government entity. I'm wondering why that is.

In fact, I hereby submit a formal request to find out why that is. Since you're a bureaucrat, I fully expect a form letter within 10 business days informing me that my request is under legal review and therefore automatically extended for another 30 days. If you screw up my request, I expect to have to resubmit the whole request again, rinse and repeat.; 9:07 AM
O said...: Sorry Felix; that's not my department.; 11:14 PM

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Thursday, November 29, 2007

$53,402.50 per win (so far)

4 comments:

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