Monday, April 14, 2008

Ford alleges "conspiracy" between Housing Authority, Illuminati

Urban Redevelopment Authority Executive Director Pat Ford today strongly hinted that he was "smeared" about his receipt of gifts from a billboard executive as a result of his efforts to blow the whistle on Pittsburgh Housing Authority practices with certain members of an international, secretive cabal known as The Illuminati.

Speaking via telephone from an undisclosed location deep within the South Hills of Pittsburgh, Mr Ford lamented the fact that after 25 years of devotion to "the Brotherhood" he was "offered up as a sacrifice to the almighty Amun."

Mr. Ford is now on paid leave pending a State Ethics investigation as to whether his close personal relationship with a representative of Lamar Advertising unduly influenced and subverted established permit procedures in the erection of a large LED billboard on a new transportation hub at the corner of Grant and 11th Street in downtown.

In a seemingly unrelated matter, Mr. Ford was asked to resign as chairman of the Housing Authority Board under pressure from officials from the US Department of Housing and Urban Development, who cited his role as Executive Director of the Urban Redevelopment Authority as a "conflict of interest."

Mr. Ford believes that there are more sinister motives at play here.

"Do you really think that it's a coincidence that this story broke on April 9th, the same day as the surrender of Robert E. Lee at Appomattox and the day that Francis Bacon, Frank Lloyd Wright and Lorenzo de' Medici all died? All you have to do is tie the pieces together, and you get a conspiracy that is at the root of our Civilization."

When asked to elaborate, Mr. Ford said "Omans! Omans! Find David Icke!" and hung up.

Calls to Illuminati World Headquarters were not immediately returned, however a source that wished to remain off the record believes that Mr. Ford's beliefs are unfounded.

"Does Mr. Fnord really think that with all the black helicopters, dead grey aliens, and a US Presidential Election to rig that the Illuminati even have time to be part of his parochial shenanigans?"

Calls to the Housing Authority were met only with mystical chanting of Ai Ai Meachum Ph'Tagen. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Meachum Rl'yeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

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