Thursday, October 02, 2008

Last Minute Thoughts before the VP Debates

Let me start out by saying that I'm deliberately avoiding live blogging this event because (a) I genuinely like to hear what the candidates have to say and (b) the computer gets in the way of throwing things at the TV screen.

Besides, no matter what happens tonight, both sides are going to claim victory, short of Sarah Palin drooling all over herself or Joe Biden leaping over the podium to strangle Sarah Palin while claiming that the capital of Georgia is the letter "3".

This, by the way, is one of the less disturbing examples of a literary genre known as "political slash fiction.". Those of you that may be curious about this particular genre but have delicate constitutions should refrain from Googling the phrase "Dick Cheney & Dick Armey."

Anywho... for those of you that are into gambling, I thought I'd lay down some odds on tonight's event:

* Joe Biden "wins the opening handshake" (i.e. gets closer to Palin's lectern when he comes out): 4:3

* Sarah Palin tells the "Bridge to Nowhere" anecdote: 10:1

* Palin repeats the question back to the moderator, throws in some buzzwords, and answers a completely different question: Even

* Biden uses up all of his allotted time by the end of the first two questions: 4:1

* Moderator Gwen Ifill is replaced by Tom Brokaw: 100:1

* Ifill is replaced by Bill O'Reilly: 10,000:1

* Bigfoot is discovered backstage: 1,000,000:1

* Ifill is replaced by Bigfoot: 10,001:1

* Palin confuses Austria with Australia: 500:1

* Biden begins drinking on camera: 200:1

* Tina Fey is substituted for Palin: 50:1

* A muppet is substituted for Palin: 100:1

* Biden decides to break out his classic "Rapin' Joe" character: 75:1

* Palin is disappointed to find out that there's no swimsuit competition: 500:1

* So is Biden: 5,000:1

* Biden lays verbal smackdown: 100:1

* Palin lays verbal smackdown: 1000:1

* Levi "Kevin Federline" Johnston is awkwardly brought up at the end of the debate: 5:1

* Levi tries to make a run for it: 250:1

Please place your final bets folks. Last call...

1 comment:

headbang8 said...

Ah, Levi. That poor schmuck!