Monday, January 19, 2009

Baltimore Mayor Makes Good on Wager

(Reuters) Baltimore, MD - A tearful Sheila Dixon, Mayor of Baltimore, made good on her wager with Pittsburgh Mayor Luke "Steely McStahl" Ravenstahl, in a signing statement in from of Baltimore City Council.

"It is with heavy heart that I fulfill our obligation with Mayor Ravenstahl, but let it never be said that we Baltimorons are not honorable people."

As is tradition between big City Mayors, both Dixon and Ravenstahl made what was supposed to be a playful wager on the outcome of the AFC Championship game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Baltimore Ravens. Ravenstahl bet a basket of Heinz products, a case of Iron City Beer, and a dozen Primanti Brothers sandwiches; Dixon bet the City of Baltimore.

Advisers to Mayor Dixon had assured her that the bet was a "sure thing" and that there was "nothing to worry about." It became clear during the first quarter of yesterday's game that the bet was anything but a "sure thing," and with two minutes left in the game, Mayor Dixon received a telephone call from Pittsburgh Mayoral Chief of Staff Yarone Zober calling in the bet.

"Mr. Zober told me that they had some guys coming down to collect the bet," said Mayor Dixon at a hastily assembled press conference. "I asked him to give us some more time and that we were in a hard place right now. Mr. Zober said that the guys were already on their way and that he didn't want them to waste their time. When I asked him if he would take Union Square or Harbor View or Pimlico or the rights of "Homicide: Life on the Streets", Mr. Zober said 'No dice... and it would be a shame if Inner Habor got broken.'"

Mayor Ravenstahl did not say what Pittsburgh's plan for Baltimore was going to be.

"We may turn into some sort of 'Pittsburgh South.' We're already importing perogis and jumbo dahn there, and extra french fries for their salads. (Council Member) Jim Motznik is going down as Viceroy. Hopefully, by next week, we'll have an Iron City factory in place. At least their flag is pretty much the right colors."

Baltimore will become Pittsburgh's 91st neighborhood on January 31, 2009 and will push the City's population over 1 million for the first time ever.

Baltimore Council President Stephanie Rawlings Blake has offered to go "double or nothing" with Pittsburgh. Ms. Dixon is already under indictment for misconduct on an unrelated matter.


n'at said...

Fries and Slaw on Crab Cakes! Sweet!

O said...

Actually, that doesn't sound all that bad...