The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A Bureaucrat's Aside

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

A Bureaucrat's Aside

Political scandals, no matter how minor or inocuous, will stick in the public consciousness much more firmly if they involve sex, even if it is only tangentally related to the incident at hand.

Scandals involving homosexual sex, whether or not it is even germaine to the scandal, will get you a front page headline.

On a completely unrelated note: generally speaking there are some people in power who enjoy flaunting their power, with little regard for the consequences, for the sole purpose of proving to other people (or themselves) that they are powerful persons.

People who try to bend rules for their friends and supposed friends too often soon find themselves playing the part of the unwitting fool to others.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...: This was very well put, and true.
I hope only that fools wakeup and recognize that favors,coming from powerful people, well intentioned or not, undermine the fabric and safety of the larger community, because to get away with the little bits, makes it so much easier to swallow when taking the larger bites.; 2:01 AM
Sherry Pasquarello said...: well put!; 9:18 AM
Mark Rauterkus said...: The expression fits:

"Get away with murder."

Sure, there are too many killings in Pittsburgh -- and many are left un-solved. Others get away with other acts, beyond murder.; 9:24 AM
Consul-At-Arms said...: I've quoted you and linked to you here: http://consul-at-arms2.blogspot.com/2009/01/re-bureaucrats-aside.html; 3:18 AM

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The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat

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Wednesday, January 07, 2009

A Bureaucrat's Aside

4 comments:

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