Pittsburgh Fat Man Aspires to Curling Gold

(Reuters) Pittsburgh, PA - Unemployed former accounts receivable clerk Dan Bujokowski is aspiring to Olympic gold.

"You know, I was there watching NBC at 3 in the morning and they were showing highlights from the Team USA's curling match against one of them foreign countries, and one of those players on the US Team is, like, 300 pounds. I thought to myself, as I was noshing on a three day old Twinkie, that I could be an Olympic medalist too."

Mr. Bujokowski is one of many Americans who, because of nearly wall-to-wall coverage of curling in order to fill up airtime, suddenly believe that they have what it takes to be a professional curler.

Originating in Scotland, curling is a team Olympic sport in which stones are slid across a sheet of carefully prepared ice towards a target area.

Steve Buffington, a Director of the Pittsburgh Curling Club, says there's more to curling than being an overweight guy on ice. "Curling involves strategy, balance, good sportsmanship, and the ability to hurl a 42 pound stone down 100 ft ice. While it is accessible to a wide variety of people, it's not a game that just anyone can be an expert in overnight... unless you're willing to buy the first two rounds of beer."

Mr. Bujokowski remains undeterred.

"Michael Phelps eats a 20,000 calorie diet and smokes pot. If he can eats twice as much as me and be an Olympian, well, I think I'm guaranteed at least a bronze medal."